Words don't express truths actions do. Sounds to me like you are suffering from the same thing I have, hitting road blocks that keeps you from realizing the full potential of your dreams. Whether that's a self inflicted mental block or placed there by others your lack of self worth stems from not satisfactorily fulfilling your dreams, or unconsciously underneath somehow these dreams are not the ones meant to fulfill you. You have given up much like me. Mine though stems from getting near the top of the mountain only to get kicked back down again. I am never going to say I never had any worth. I had way more worth then those who managed to kick me back down. I was a threat to them by proving that as a woman I had worth, if left standing I became a threat to their ability to control the narrative that woman are weaker, woman can't succeed without a man and they lose their ability to manipulate that for their own gain. That thinking just doesn't come from a man's perspective as there are plenty of woman out there who find it a convenient excuse that one cannot make it on their own. I heard it time and again, that's why a lot of them stay in unfulfilling relationships. When someone is sitting next to them telling them I am proof it can be done they don't want to hear it, it's just more convenient to rationalize oneself as not having enough worth. The world definitely does not lack people willing to tell you you have over estimated your self importance but that isn't a reflection upon you as much as it's a reflection upon their own insecurities. When I leave this earth it's not going to be feeling like I was a nothing because obviously I was something to fear, the legacy that I will leave behind is the worth I accumulated to pave the path forward for many woman moving forward after me. I find a lot of satisfaction in that as I witness first hand the incredible independence and growth of the young girls who live next door, my experiences may have been a negative but I am not leaving this world as a nothing.