I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to stand before you and tell it to you straight what you need to consider if you want to resolve this for the sake of being free enough to spend the rest of your life in love.
It's okay to be cynical about that idea. You can tussle with that all you like, I'll just stand back and wait to see.

It is very easy for me to work you through this, even if it takes a year. Probably longer, you're already quite old to begin. But I repeat. It wouldn't be love. It would be a supportive, loving friendship and tedious. Love is not a short cut, but a different starting point from where you are now.

They say you can't love until you love yourself. Very true, you need to have a purified (catharsis) soul. On this I already worked for 1.5 years for you.

I care deeply about how you feel, and empathise (clearly, Ifor am more dead than alive right now). However, I'd be a useless pillar if I let the world rob you away from me and the one thing I can give you: a chance to see how love can work things differently. I believe the way forward especially in the here and now is to get better at being in love, to operate from this foundation. It will require the decision you have already made to burn and leave behind. If it is toxic you mustn't handle it anymore. Send it away as unfitting to the choice you wish to dedicate yourself to rather. You are not angry anymore but in resistance which gives the same code to the brain.

You cannot love to resolve this bit of karma. You have to love because you cannot resolve this bit of karma. It is not yours, but theirs. Your retalliation idee fixe is born out of a very old (Abrahamic) love that seeks harmony and family (the All one) which the child knows is the truth, but you as a child did not have affirmed. That is a great way to give the world another pissed off kid.

But you never ceased to try keep the innocent soul alive - and dived deep for her, sailed far for her, even bared you heart for her. Your dedication to your soul-spirit cannot be denied anymore.

It would be nice for you to cut, just sever all that doesn't belong to the freely choosing I Am. Retalliation has to go as very 1066. What could you possibly gain? You'll be sorely disappointed with its effects: you see, you can't teach people /show them what they don't want. They go blind and deaf and shout and strike in panic, and will never know their place. It will backfire at the very last minute, always lying in wait (if not this life....) . Realise the motivations for this are immature (the wounded kid and the years afterwards) but he's fading fast into a stronger man who can take over from now.

You don't have to clean it up for the others, you cannot clear you name or reputation or their erroneous or unfair idea of you. If there is money involved (or stuff, or hard memory: the negotiable truth of past events)you would do best to cut your losses. There are better places you could be. If you don't see that, then that is something to explore until you do.

The toxic situation around you is almost something you've grown used to and it's made you very poison resistant. In love your new way of looking will be astounded by how much you put up with. As if you have nothing nobler to serve.

Life can be elegant, even on a pig farm, if you love the piggies enough. We are born to dance - each one's own jig. I grew up with Down syndrome children at my Montessori school, never knowing they had Down' s at age 7: they danced their dance, elegantly. If we cannot dance with our hips, we don't stop dancing. We find the hips somewhere else. We don't start headbanging instead (they have issues, also fine, but not elegant).

You could decide you don't have time for all this. Get a box and stuff it all in. Put it on the curb. Or in you neck of the woods you can probably torch the thing. How are you meant to relate to stuff that is not yours? Yours is only that which was given to you and you accepted it with love. Waiting for a love that was not posthumously is to do all the work by yourself. Does that make you love yourself better. Free answer: no.

Because as you said working through this level of love (family etc) it should be unconditional. I don't see how it ever is. So I let go. Give what I can and turn a lot of deaf ears, and go back to making real love, that spiritual communion you can be in, also without someone. Always better than being strangled by a lie. When you are dead you'll see how pathetic a waste of time that was, when you could have been living a beautiful love life.

Fights /confrontations are necessary. You do the math.
Kindness is the best currency to keep us all moving along.
Family is relationship before it is DNA (related or not): human bodies. The soul aligns to the body (or not and then you get all sorts of dysfunctions or closer links to the spiritual reality it came from like for creatures like me). Where it does not it is freer to choose to continue the old (happy to poke around in the puke) or to "leave" in any case on the level of emotional attachment. You then have an exercise in responsible detachment. Many options but none really whilst you are consumed by anger which is (sorry to say) "your problem". We have choices in how to react. We choose the strategy we can best handle, are most familiar with or feel is most likely to give straight returns. Gratification basically. Ego work. Can keep you busy for the rest of your life.

Family constellations are not made of this earth, they are perpetuated by a spark of willful incarnation in each child again. If a family doesn't return to earth what earth gives her, she will start to disintegrate. There are basic laws of earth a family must obey. Mothers nurse and cradle their children. Fathers further provide and protect. If all that goes well, you can improvise ad lib, but within reason or rather nature's boundaries. That is wholesomeness and it heals man, making him whole. If the family doesn't fertilise the earth , your soul will not be sustained by this life and grow into an I Am with no other name than that love gives him. He becomes first and foremost an Adam Kadmon, a child of Sophia. the so called "child of God". Bye bye family, unless you like Christmas crackers (hard to pull on your own). For me it was bye bye family. I have a commitment to love. I still see mom and pop. Ca tout. Still the little dependent daughter who is not quite ever going to be quite right in the head with her "spirtuality". Never mind, I have my moments they will admit.

An individual doesn't need anybody to be I. They belong in a state of love. Finding somewhere this becomes easy, is a blessing worth seeking. The rest will be fine. Leave it to God (try it; not out of spite cursing them to some limbo, but as a new thing that's not quite old yet, and if they don't come back it worked, and if they do, you've proven he doesn't exist. win-win. You mustn't leave an address this time, of course. And you're allowed to duck behind the sofa when they call the first few times, in panic, because you left them with nothing to do anymore, only face themselves). Leave them all to wilt. Mother Earth loves her mulch.

I speak from experience (we spoke about it this morning from 6-8). You listened very attentitively.

Bottom line, walk away, move onto something better. You can't leave it all behind on a physical level (yet) but you can make up your mind to disengage on all emotional levels. It's a matter of getting used to it. Or choosing what to focus on. It is very very difficult when you keep getting disturbed. I was 20 years non stop.

You are not your "brothers" keeper. You can do right by people only if they ask for it. They don't want your forgiveness. You can only forgive them when you know their role and no longer need it. You end up burying a soul who returns to his original state, not your father. Your father is only the man who a) fathered you (one karmic story) and b) raised the child. The bond between adult child and father /mother has to be forged afresh several times (if you are lucky, but it is not that common) at each different stage of your life. Usually you end up make a unit of respect : parents. You had none of that (much) so you have to fulfil those experiences differently if you are regular person with a shrink; or you find a spiritual solution which may be closer to the truth.

You do not owe anybody anything and are wise not to expect anything back in return. That way you may get gifts or not miss a thing. Why do we not walk away? Because we are caring decent people, which want to be connected because that makes human sense, and because we are scared little children (and on our death beds we will know it). Make sure that doesn't happen and sort it very soon.

Love is the only way, but how...you may well ask. Just stand in it and see. It's not like I'm saying TRUST. Ha! even that turns out to be the only truth. I bow once again humbly to the Portuguese colleague who chose to work in love over letting love work. She is your age. Maybe wiser than both of us.

In any case, be kind and know the love going round in families is generally very low calorie, and the rate you are burning it up....