I wish to leave a universe of breath after your pause to feel.
It is now 23:43
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These are not corrections. They are words I have used before and believe are the key to finding a place of serenity for us.

Perhaps, you will see, maybe not yet, but they will keep and only frame what I have written before today.

Love is a state of being.
A Mood.
It lives only in the present continuous. That is why dogs are so good at being loveable. And mothers (probably some fathers too) so good at caring. There are many aspects of love that can heal and console and comfort and support.

It is important to know I can support your understanding of unconditional love, as something not dependent on list or external events. Yet, after many years of reflection, I cannot call it that: I feel it is highly conditional what I have to give if it is to be of the kind that weaves together thinking-feeling-willing in the present continuous, never generic or abstract (he is a good man: that soon falls into respect and sympathy etc.) nor specifically attached to personal preferences - which change and so therefore tastes in lovers as if our souls are commodities. What conditioon is there then? That it is true (my definition of that I have already given) as measured by the soul-spirit.

What is this soul-spirit thingy you might think? What's it got to do with anything if I don't know I have it?

You may love anyone or thing or animal in any way you like and it is a valid love (as long as you are not faking it, or exaggerating it, or using it to feel better about yourself - which of course you are not interested in at all).

Since my soul-spirit is attracted to your soul-spirit (which has to be a valid statement for it to be a proposition at all, but requires a suspension of disbelief, perhaps until you find the soul-spirit who will confirm it) we find ourselves in a pure I Am state. This is the Potential I have spoken of (in various places).
In this "state"(locus) of being (vescia pices, if images help at all) a state (mood) is found. A bit like a climate in a country. Since the I Am state is hard to achieve (to which you now testify in all your above words) you will recognise that a New kind of Love is specific (conditional!) to this state (of being).

I hope this clarifies a bit my stubborn use of words. It is namely a very sacred mantra to me, that kept me alive:
The I Am can only Be (feel, think, act) in a Mood of Love.
This "state of being" is inspired by the love that we make in this Meeting Place (Inbetween). (chicken - egg situation? An instant! A wholeness, an Allness only perceive (as meaningful to man) when "in" Love (that state of being with another I am). Very simply put but in high esoteric language: You have to fall in love. Not the uncontrolled abandon or accident of falling. One is not overwhelmed but just can't help oneself from slotting in to this state the I Am is born to gravitate towards. That is what all the sacred texts about love mean to say.

We practice this state of being in miniature (kids, dogs, dolls etc). But you can see how this is very close to "possessiveness" and manipulation for selfish purpose. Most of us never miss anything (the I Am that I Am) and so man doesn't evolve very fast and commits atrocities (on all scales) in the name of love.

I interject here to place a vase of sweetpea between us. Or jasmine which smells so rich at 4 in the morning, if you get up to watch the baker start his day below the Alpujarras.

I am not playing smart word games with you here. I have relaxed into a very mellow mood. Totally drained, but never more committed to my I Am.
I hand you all I know. It is not very large or heavy. It is extremely light and quite tiny. It is the speck that is the kernel of my soul I show you. From this all the love has to be made. There is no flow or vow or promise, it just is or it is not and only in reciprocity does it sustain a safe dock for the I Am. It is why each solitary soul (we all are in essence) must say "God loves me"(or a variation there of) to feel their own loving potential as a given (not something aroused by a momentary fad).

Forgive typos and limited formatting: am on my bedroom laptop with an irritating pad and unresponsive keyboard. I also cannot edit (I lack the eye for it, too strained).

I had a song in my head since Saturday night, a faint melody, fairly repetive so not much to go on, which I couldn't identify. I heard a few times since and left it very much to itself (things can always be a brain freeze), till I walked through my kitchen (where the video had been made I now realise - so portal between us), I went through this "spot"where the melody was strongest before it faded out after a few steps, several times. But again, I had to leave it at that (around22:30.)
In my bedroom, where we've had conversations before, I google some names I think might lead me to that type of song I think I am hearing.

I feel I am getting warmer scrolling through bands I never knew the faces of (Green Day, Oasis, Stereophonics - they all sound a bit and look at lot the same to me) Then I hit upon Cold Play. And that is the one. I didn't know the title. I didn't know the lyrics. But here are a few lines I now pick out:

When you get what you want but not what you need /When you feel so tired but you can't sleep/When you love someone but it goes to waste /What could it be worse?/Lights will guide you home /And ignite your bones/if you never try you'll never know /Just what you're worth

I hope the above writing of mine confirms what you know (despite my different choice of wording what I think is possible between us) and the Cold Play song helps to fix what I can't reach, which would be? Anything maybe, but I keep on hearing you need to look into something specific and "deal with" it (It is holding on to you). I indeed unconditionally give you all the time you need for this. I only know - keep being shown - it has something to do with the "mask" in the field - which you must take very broadly if it is to mean anything at all. Rules 1 and 2 always apply. I have already accepted you are going to need a lot of time to process the past month (? how long has it been?) I cannot fix you. But maybe our love can.

I hope it all makes sense, I rarely send any first draught but I must shower and tend to the shoulders, and god knows what button on this confounded lap top will erase everything again before I post. Hope I gave you enough breath. Hope you are breathing easily. Will respond in kind, but for the rest sit in sukhasana listening to us both synchronise the breath.