allow me a breath of air

Dear Heart, I did, but you didn't take it.
You collapsed at 5 pm already, mainly due to external factors, that are none of my business, in any case not caused by me or I would not be able to live with myself. You endured for hours after. Your endurance over the past decade does not go unaccounted for either.

I will with much love match your energy to let you hear your own voice and distinguish it from the old ones that are not the I within that knows me . Your free self has resurfaced freer than when you last met him. That is a no small gift or surprise to either of us.

My dedication matches /aligns with yours to concentrate a while on your restoration. It spontaneously rose to the occasion in recognition of your desire to consolidate and concatenate what needs to be done. The singer following the song like a journey man in Dreamland - which is a rough and tumble bush bush that only gives up her gems or life- sustaining morsels to those who know what they are looking for.

It is kinder to be kind when being cruel - the delivery of the message lends support. But then one must have the craft to convey this kindness, so mild at heart.

The only end to cruelty is not an invulnerable heart (for there is always an arrow that can pierce) but a vulnerable heart, which accepts there will always be stabs to bear and mend. The vulnerable heart sets itself up for the truth of life that aims to wound that we may bleed out our selfish misconceptions. Alas, there are now more arrows being fired than any single person can survive gracefully, without the courage to carry on. It is therefore hardly beneficial to my work at least for me to be exposed too long on Steemit. You see, it is not the personal attacks that trouble me (or you) at all but the world is in so much pain we would be sick to the core if it did not trouble us. But we do not have to bear its burden. Therein no greater compassion lies. It would only make is easier for the Evildoing to scoop us all up in one little ball of human dough for his gingerbread man creation. We must learn, I believe, to preserve our forces, better by bundling them.

Life must throw you until you learn what best sustains the tossing. What else is life for? Nothing static is liveable. Look how miserable Midas was with the wish most people have for the "Perfect Life". Discover death to be the end of any perfect circle of life, which is only drawn by time and constantly renewed. Vulnerability is the only option left to us, which you understand perfectly. Another check mark, we are moving super-humanly fast.

This approach of the hard taskmaster is not for all, and never to be sustained by anyone for long. Especially not at first. It is not my aim to push to breaking point, not steemit, not you. Every request for help or pause is not only respected but admired.

For the most part, however, not to escape blame, but to show you clearly that I am standing by your side, it will not be me doing all that pushing that you feel. It is your own birthing process. I am a fairly competent spiritual midwife with two rules as I hold your hand. 1. Always put individual freedom first, over everything, divine or not. 2. When in doubt step back to consult or reassess.
It is not without good explanation that spiritual birthing is a Sophia-Maria (Isis) thing not so naturally graspable for men.

It explains why most spiritual male aspirants through history have ended up in powerhouses and subsequent abuse of the soul and neglect of the spirit. I resent how womanhood is not dedicated to attending to these much needed births; beginning with the way we give birth to sons and expect them to grow up in a certain economically useful military/provider way. We are only focussing on meeting needs that can be met by the male energy (also by women). Ergo, nobody much is giving birth.

Your stamina is unsurpassed and noted with a tender heart. Your surrender surprises me as much as it must you. My surrender can only be even more indicative of something unusual happening here. For I know more of what is required in matters of next level connect. I don't think either of us would sign up for anything else. Then rather endure. At least that's my (positive) choice.

If you meditate on the sentence: I want from you only the I that knows me (which I compress into a synecdoche of "your voice") you will learn to find the coordinates where breathing is very easy.

You come with a lot of other voices, naturally, and I will happily and unconditionally accept them, too. The bistro table talk, I call it. But this platform for us offers the opportunity to make a bed and lie in it. Without the socks.

All things related to the bed, birth, death, life, flowers, rivers, are sacred to me. I only want to know you because I need to. So sorry to admit, I do occasionally mock (gently) people who believe they "want someone" as if it is a dire need. It is mostly a lie-to-an-immature-self. They have an itch they need to scratch. An appetite, a moment to spare, a fear to distract; and it all can end up lasting a life time as a mega lie-to-self. One needn't be very selective then, need one? Plenty of others just like them.

People like us don't want anything anymore. We'll accept the parcels; say no thank you, a lot; close the door again. You make me, I make you come to a total halt (while life just keeps on throwing socks at us, and we still manage to pick them up). When you feel exhausted by me, I believe, it is largely actually steemit that fatigues, life's guzzling mosquitoes that draw blood till your feel aenemic. The work at hand is demanding, but also your work,not me forcing it upon you.

There is a sensible way to manage these things, which is not always possible to achieve. It takes bit more than a mindfulness class or a personal organiser like Marie Kondo. I overwhelm, that is undisputed, if not for a want of checking myself. But you are a swimmer of strong surf and know why the sea makes such powerful waves where it does.

I want from you only the I that knows me

The previous sentence is carefully crafted and cannot be phrased any other way to read the same. I do not need you to be or do this or that. (You know, the famous shopping list of what you expect from someone because you are so Eva Longoria yourself.) Of course, I have some personal preferences, but have trained to the max to see around most or know how to avoid without it wobbling the love. I have definite limitations because I am no less scarred than you, and the spirit cannot just magic away the corrupted files of the mental processor. It can only remember to switch it off in that allocated vescia pices.

I don't need you to change a thing about yourself, your routine or level of comfortable endurance. I do not need for you, in your I-capacity, to step into this thing called Love (at the centre of a Venn diagram of two completely closed Ensos; I shall not perish without this. But when you do I will want you.

And so the problem of yearning for things we want is resolved by meeting our needs.

I will follow your step at times when you have stepped outside this Inbetween space, because I care and need to know you are where you need to be for that moment, whether I can be useful or not. To witness it is sometimes all that can be done, and even that can be called off (by Rule 1).

If I can easily lure you back, from a sneaky trap, I will not avoid attempting to do so. All good and well, leaving everybody to develop in their own time, according to popular guidance principles, I see no free-will violated by my methods. This is not a push and pull or game of tennis, but a spiritual dance, the steps to which I simply happen to know better, but everyone must learn to dance for themselves. There is however One Sky Dance, and not 7 billion unique ones that matter. Besides, we are running out of time.

They say love is hard work. And I say get lost. Life yes, the sock part is hard work, well, we've proved to be experts at that on either side of our lives. They mean you have to work hard to keep the love alive. If they could put the horse before the cart! You have to to make a lot of hard love (an actual "currency") to make life possible as a place for spiritual man, instead of the babboon we largely are today. Love elevates and promotes evolution. The rest is revolution against the lie, which never needed to be in the first place. I have testified to your ability to make such love right here on Steemit, also on humble levels not just to me. It doesn't bear thinking of what you could do once raised. Or with me.

I can only cater to the Human Need as a good participant of the human race on a personal level. I am not a nun (although I have often wished I was, but I keep forgetting who the Pope is now, and yes, by other extents and purposes practically too) or an anchorite by vocation. I was forced into this solitude by my high standards of truth, not by demands that people never lie, but that they are willing to see the delusion. Ce n'est pas une pipe.

I believe in Man (whom I fondly hate with a passion most of the time: also energy after all).

I believe in you more.