You eloquently describe a most humble nature - which is only human and therefore will always find things to correct.

I already thought you were asking your question about how to say goodbye at death, like you now explain, and it is a question I have asked myself for very many years, researching the truth about love and death, and the life that leads through both.

I asked myself what is the point of love if it always ends in death? You are just waiting for misery to happen and in the meantime, like a happy puppy pretending it won't. That is the life of an unbeliever, a rational atheist. Only if there is a god, will we have other motivations. But in the west especially we killed God with Nietzsche. I am not interested in "restoring" God for a meaning to life (with all its violent institutions/power houses). You either feel him present or not. And I am not interested in describing what kind of "him". That would be arrogant: what do I know. Nobody knows enough, not the nobel prize scientists or the dalai lama or Google....(ha, wouldn't he like to believe that!)

If I use images which are more familiar to the west, in order to describe my difficult journey of belief, and creative freedom, I do not doubt you can read beyond the specific terms which are associated with a tradition here. Because I believe we are all connected and have one Father God (also left undefined by me but not "something bigger out there". Much more concrete, in every little flower that open, and every little bird that sings and on purple headed mountain).

I always think of you saying morning prayers (and probably more often) and feel supported by how you reach out to recharge in such a humble and trusting way.

It takes time and dedication to truly pray with love and reverence in our hearts. We can pray in many ways, "normally" or as we bake and garden and rock our baby. It is a state of concentration which allows the creative force to be with us. In that light, I can see how if you keep praying you will also come to see that there is power to this force that shows you there is no death unless you forget to live....

It is indeed very tragic when you cannot part in peace with one final kiss/embrace/ acknowledgement. It leaves something unfinished and is not the way it should be. I believe all souls (here and there) will be in a kind of shock for it. We can do a little about it with the consolation of prayer (for the dead), kindness (for the survivors), with quiet presence and little tokens of joy. Life is meant to be very simple. Less is more.

Of course, it is necessary to be prepared to have our lives complicated sometimes, and make a lot of mess! This in the hope we accept the paradoxes more equanimously. Staying in balance is a life-task. Somtimes you find yourself in a delightful bower. Others on a hellish motorway.

It took me a long time to know how fortunate we are to have a life. The nihilists and materialists taught me life on earth is all we have. We are a kazillion to one chance in the universe. And that is all. And I didn't like that very much. What a lot of nonsense. Why should I play at life just because my parents tell me to? What's so great? It's always here today, gone tomorrow, always the same hard knocks. Sure, it's not that bad one can always say, but it sounds like an excuse to live not a motivation.

And then come the big hurts of a grown up... I didn't want to be a wishful-thinker and believe in fairy tales. That seemed weak to me (a cop out).

But I am a nature girl and I love truth and beauty like sparklings after the rain. So it was inevitable once I got some space to be on my own I started to feel the presence of a Good Force. Eventhough I was always called "the serious girl" or the sullen one, and said very little, and didn't want to join in I realised I had a light within that couldn't die. I noticed it when I was surrounded by people who were cold and dark. Nice people sometimes but still they hadn't taken care of their little soul-spark.

You need to feed it with Good things. I think you intuitively, inspite of your somber/melancholy mood sometimes recognise the duty man has to seek a joy that is selfless, but aggrandised only through the self. You are a generator and must respect that.

I was seriously depressed at age 17, and nobody was there to help me. I didn't want to live. It was too painful, and it was as if I could see no matter what nothing very big was going to change in the world very soon. So neither for myself or for the other sad people pretending to laugh could I be of any service. Was I going to spend a (selfish) life entertaining myself? Then it almost feels heroic to face the fear of death and leave it all behind.

But I was prevented from being drastic. By something that is still with me. An intuition or a guiding force, or just the insight that God is Good and unless we be good God cannot live through us and expand his Greatness in so many, many wonderful and diverse ways. There is no one Perfect Goal. Just the joy of living.
I wish, inshallah, that more of us will truly have the courage to believe that, and be fine about knowing nothing much more for now.

I sense most days you live in great trust which animates you much. In accord with Foucalt's Pendulum there must also be the sway to great doubt and apathy, especially when young. This makes it easier for you to know yourself in God's image.