What can you do?... Not everyone is perfect, and very few people get it right the first time around.. I'm halfway through this thing called life and I'm still making plenty of mistakes.. I guess it's just part of the deal.

This week is just the latest in an ongoing series of weeks that has been trying to hammer home this message to me. I have a habit of hanging on a shelf, meticulously weighing decisions, thoughts, possible outcomes.. and putting off action.

This one-foot-in-and-one-foot-out dallying has caused me a lot of strife recently.. I think the collective string of blows I've taken lately because of it is trying to pound into me something more than just a concussion of bad luck.

I'm starting to realize, that it's the fast and the furious that make out the best in this dog-eat-dog world. I used to think that these kind of opportunistic people were rash and ruthless. I didn't want to risk being thought of as cold-hearted or head-strong by following their lead. But now I see that this behavior doesn't correlate to apathetic selfishness.. but rather, it is I who am being deprived, and in turn depriving others, by sitting on the fence making calculated estimates of what is 'right' and 'just'.

It is in our best interest to be self-interested first.. to fail fast and learn quickly and move on.. constant improvement and refinement make us a better human and therefore better suited to help the greater number. If chess were merely a game of calculation and speculation, nothing would ever happen.. eventually someone has to make the first move.. move fast and lose fast, adjust and start again.. it's not a waste of time if you gain some insight or knowledge.. it IS a waste of time if you... DO.. nothing..

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Indecision has caused lots of pain and suffering.. I don't want to make a mistake so I rack myself crazy with worry, going back and forth over some times even the most minute issues. However, I think even a bigger danger is sticking with a decision just because I've committed to it, even if it might be detrimental to my wealth and well-being in the long run..

Case in point.. I have been looking for a new job.. I've had plenty of offers, but I've left them all on the shelf while I've looked for the perfect one.. I finally got a few good proposals.. and one seemed too good to be true.. after humming and hawing.. and back and forth.. I was trying to juggle multiple jobs at once.. I ended up with conflicting obligations as they all wanted me to work the same time.. So I dropped them and went with the too good to be true one..

You can imagine where this is leading.. The company is a disaster and the workload is unreasonable.. also the offer isn't what it seemed like on the surface.. but because I wanted too long, the other ships have sailed..

Now.. should I stay with the shit job? In the past, I would ride it out and let it drag me down the line further and further because it's the one I chose.. but now my perspective is shifting..

Live and Learn doesn't equate to 'you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it..' as I've believed for so long.. No.. it means 'go out, make a decision.. go at it 100%, if it doesn't work out, reflect on what you now know and how it has helped you grow, and move on.. don't dither."...

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