I have never been so scared as I was then.
I saw you in my head, racing through my thoughts like a bullet train.
There was nothing I could do.
I felt you with me as the warmest of breeze did hold me here,
I felt you with me like a hot fire licking my face and eyes.
I thought I knew what this feeling was and what it meant,
But I was fooled as I know nothing of this.
People write symphonies of emotion, all bulbous and full, and all the while I found myself all but consumed.
I looked in the mirror and felt your arms around me like you had never left, And still to this day I cry.
I stretched myself beyond my means for you and still it's been awhile that you have graced my dreams at night.
My memory it questions me and leaves me restless, it's true: I've fucked up again.
My hands they once felt what it was like to be loved, nurtured and full of abundance, but now all I can see is black.
I questioned what it was like to have these emotions relinquished as I didn't require them anymore,
But then I didn't have you.
I remember the changing tide that was your presence, it was like you always knew what I was going to do.
I was never the one to forsake your restrictions because it was you who would guide me, so why did you run?
I had never thought that my grace would fall, and yet it came crashing down around me this day.
I remember your face, your hair as it fell in tendrils by your cheeks of caramel and those eyes of grey: you were a vision.
I remember the day you started to fade from me and what I had tried to do to bring you back,
I had never cried for any other.
The coldness of the ocean numbed me as it swept right through.
The island that I existed upon has broken away and fractalised to become a million glorified pieces,
In truth I was so far out there that I could not feel your sun as it shone from your magnificent heights.
And you never came down.
I didn't fly that day.
Convincing myself that some things last, with my wings clipped and broken, all I could see was your tears.
Healing, heading far away, glistening like the suns rays against the gleaming sky and softest clouds of white: I screamed for you!
I woke up that afternoon, deliriously enamoured in everything that you were - it was a euphoric feeling.
I was lost.
I was gone.
I was angry.
And you had become part of the atmosphere again.
I released my defences again, and fell.
Different is good.
