"Ok Sir, can you explain how the other man got all the way up there?" The sheriff said in a incredulous tone as he surveyed the carnage before him, the palm of his hand resting on his holstered pistol.
"What the big fella up in the tree?" Old Man Bob responded confused.
Sigh "No...The other guy impaled on the metal weather vane...on the roof." The Sheriff huffed.
"Up on the roof?" The old man questoned. A bewildered expression washed over his face.
"Sir! The medias here. Want me to get rid of em?" A Deputys voice, stationed somewhere up the road, squawked through the radio.
"Yes! Tell them its nothing...send them away. We cant have this leaking out...not yet. This is a huge mess!" The sheriff barked. His frustrated agitation growing worse at the unwelcome news.
"Also, we found the subjects other hand back in the woods behind the house." The Deputy blurted.
" Good! Put it in an evidence bag. Let me know the second you find the rest of the body."
Turning down the squelch knob on the radio he turned to face the old retiree again.
"Ok...Lets run the story back again. Tell me how all this came about." The Sheriff growled.
"Uh...well...." The old man stammered briefly before relaying the details of the incident once more to the Sheriff.
"I've been having problems with some things living in the woods..." He started.
"These monsters you're claiming." The Sheriff interjected.
"Uh huh. Them Wood Boogers. Hairy, smelly things. Mean too. Anyway, the clan of them been harrasing me. Stealing my property. Vandalizing. That sorta thing. Been going on for months. I finally was at my wits end and called in an expert to deal with the situation." Old Man Bob explained.
"And the person in this photograph was the claimed expert that initially responded to your add for help? The Sheriff said holding up a downloaded picture he got off the Internet on his phone.
"Oh..yes. Thats the guy. Said he was an expert on these things. Came over a week later. Said he had to finish some tour first. " The old mans eyes lit up recognizing the face in the picture.
"Hold on..." The Sheriff interupted clicking on his radio again. "Jenkins! Do a toxicology report. I want to know exactly what kinda drugs the deceased subject had in his system!" An acknowledgement crackled through the static of the radio.
"So the expert shows up in this big fancy car with these-"
"The Mercedes 55 AMG S Class thats now half sunk in the creek over there?" The Officer said pointing to the creek down by the end of the driveway.
"Yeah. He comes out of the car with these two burly men. Bodygaurds I think he said they were. I vould tell something was off about this expert. He seemed awfully young. And he dressed like one of those urban hoodlums with the baggy pants and chains. Had his baseball cap on sideways. Looked like a real dipshit."
The Sheriff nodded in understanding.
"So anyways this young fella ignores me and marches right past me. One of his bodygaurds had one of them boomboxes and the other had himself a camera. Said they wanted the footage for his next big video. "
"Really? The Sheriff responded. "Ive seen some stupid shit in my day. But this!"
"No really!" The old man insisted before continuing on. "So the big fella...uh...the one in the tree with the boombox wedged up his ass."
"Hows that even possible?" The Sheriff questioned.
"Well apparently it is!" Bob scowled. "So that fella over there starts up the boombox. And then the young kid starts doing the craziest dance I ever seen. All choreographed and shit. Marching this way and that. Clapping his hands and wailing 'oooh baby oooh!" like some sort of fucking retard. The guy with the camera starts grunting and videotaping everything. Thats when the forest erupted with these horrific howels. And the trees started shaking horribly so. Like he done made them really mad. I dont think them beast liked what this young fella was doing."
"Sooooo....You're telling me that the teen pop star Dustin Lieber responded to your want add for a expert, all so he could film himself performing for sasquatch for his next music video? And his body gaurd recorded everything that happened?"
"I guess." Bob shrugged.
"We gotta go find that camera" The Sheriff scrambled for his radio clumsily until it screeched to life and barked into it excitedly. " Jenkins! Have Johnson do a full cavity search on Subject 2. What!?!...No! That's Subject 3...The guy on the roof...well I don't care how you get up there without a ladder. Just do it! No! Dont call the fire department." The Sheriff rolled his eyes exasperated as he clicked off the radio. "Idiot."
Bob just stared at the officer for a monent before going on. "So that's when one of the juvenile creatures fell out of the woodline all rolling on the ground. His hands clamped over his ears hollering. Then the Alpha Male comes a charging out, going right for that Dustin Weider..uh..Lieber...whatever. Boy did he look pissed. And before you could blink he snatched him up. And with both hands held him overhead roaring n tore that little guy in two...Yup right in half. He was real quick about it too."
"The Bigfoot tore Mr. Lieber in half? " The Officer repeated stunned.
"Uh huh! And then he started swinging each half around like they were a pair of them nunchuks from one of them Bruce Lee movies. Thats when I dove inside the house and locked the door. " Bob said animatedly.
"Incredible!" The Officer exclaimed. "We're going to have to call in Matt Dinero from that Seeking Sasquatch show. I think Bobby Joe who runs the gas station up the road is friends with him on Facebook. We got a long night ahead of us searching for yhe rest of Mr. Lieber in these woods."
"Well, be careful. They're real territorial. I dont think they like us folks in their neighborhood." The old man warned.
"Territorial you say...Well, that explains the huge pile of shit we found on your doormat." The sheriff answered scratching his chin.
"What!!! Damn it! Not again!" Bob cried as he stomped off looking for his new flat shovel, hoping the blasted creatures hadn't run off with that one too.
Well thats chapter 2. Stay tuned for chapter 3. Lets see if Matt Dinero from Seeking Sasquatch can find a way of dealing with these pesky foul creatures and give Old Man Bob a little peace of mind.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
If you want to read chapter 1 you can find it at the link below.
https://steemit.com/fiction/@steemydave/the-neighbours
All comments are welcome. And I respond to each and every one.
Thanks Again,
Steemydave
