Hi guys,so I briefly touched on the subject of HIV in my introduction but wanted to share my story in full.
When I was younger I lived in the care system which automatically put me under the vulnerable category. A young vulnerable girl with no family around or anyone to guide me I was the perfect target for any man with a controlling nature.
I met my sons dad when I was 16 and he was 20.He was charming at first but I did notice he had quite a big ego but being so young I was nieve and thought nothing of it. As time went on he became very controlling,wanted to be with me all the time and tried to keep me away from friends.I thought it was because he loved me so much that he treated me that way.
Things got worse as time went on,he had turned into a bully and small things like me missing a phone call or looking in any other direction than straight when walking down the street with him resulted in the beginning of emotional abuse and domestic violence.
He'd put me down about being in care and the way i looked and would make sexual comments in regards to my friends,anything to break me down. I should've known then that he was seeing other females behind my back,for him to speak of my friends that way it couldn't have been anymore obvious.The violence consisted of a number of things over the years from smashing my face into a metal gate to holding me up threatening me with a knife.I feared for my life but was too scared to open up to anyone.
Not long after the abuse started I found out I was pregnant,being so young and in the care system I automatically had social services involvement.He didn't psysically abuse me in that period but the put downs were unreal and tears were a consistent thing.I felt so alone but had no one so accepted his behaviour.
Once my son was born I was moved to a mother and baby unit which he'd come and visit me at, there were a couple of times we'd argued and the staff were present.I was advised to leave him or chance loosing my son to the care system.
I opened up to the staff and told them everything I'd been going through and they were very supportive. I broke up with him as there was no way I was loosing my child over him.He continued harassing me and threatening me via text and calls but I just ignored him and he soon left me be having no contact with his son either.
He disappeared as in was uncontactable. I thought great he's finally going to leave me be,after all I didn't want my son to grow up around a dad who had nothing but a negative input to contribute.
Time went on and I met someone new,we decided to go to the clinic together to get tested and put our minds at ease.Weeks later I received a letter from the hospital saying I should attend ASAP. I was devastated but thought it couldn't be anything that serious.Me and my new guy went together the nurse sat me down and said 'I'm so sorry to tell you this but you have HIV' My thoughts at that point are unexplainable my soul felt so instantly empty and I broke down crying and screaming. I then called my sons dads mum and broke the news,her response was shocking. 'Yes I know my son gave it to you as he's had it for a while now' what she said didn't quite register,what did is that fact I knew it was him.
I managed to get hold of his new contact number and called him,his response was to laugh.He said he was so happy I'd caught the virus off him and no one else would ever want me now.I was devastated not only had he done this purposely but was laughing at me.He said he'd slept around the whole time he was with me and one of the women was a friend of mine. What a bastard!
I left him be and tried my best to move on with my life but it wasn't easy as a young single parent trying to stay emotionally strong and look after a baby.I suffered with terrible depression for years not only did I disclose my business to the wrong people and have to deal with it being spread all over facebook but couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed and look after my son at one point.Thankfully my sister helped at this point.
I did report him to the police but there was a lack of evidence so they couldn't help.Then a few months back I was contacted by the police saying two more girls have come forward in the same situation as me and they were reopening the case.
Unfortunately in cases like this it's very difficult to get a conviction and as the virus was contracted so long ago is harder to prove.i did a video statement as did the other two females but the case ended up being closed for a lack of evidence.
He is still sleeping with women unprotected and not disclosing his status as he has had 4 more children since my son.
His aim was to control me in every aspect I was his target as a young vulnerable girl and he fed off negativity.He is evil through and through but I know karma will get him.He may have controlled me in some aspects but he cannot control my destiny and I see good things coming my way.
There is no contact between us and he doesn't see his son,he could go to the courts and ask for access but doesn't care enough to and I thank god because he has nothing to offer him.He is dead to me.
I decided the only way I would ever gain the strength to do well in life was to move away and make a fresh start which I did and I now couldn't be happier although there are still days I break down in tears for what he's done is 10 years later.
I Never thought this would happen to me and a lot of young people have the same attitude it's time there was more awareness about this condition.The amount of young people in London living with the status is rising dramatically.People are becoming more wreck less when it comes to contraception so unless something is done to raise awareness I see the problem only getting worse
I hope my story will inspire others,not only have I got through my depression but managed to bring up my son alone who is now 10 and is a credit to me.Situations like this make you stronger I believe.So happy I have finally shared my story I feel a sense of relief.Thanks for making me feel welcome enough to want to share.
