Awwww. I can relate so much to what you are sharing!
I'm pretty much the same way. I think about people I genuinely love very often, yet most of the time I leave it at that. And lol do I feel ya 200% for the anxiety part. Being alone is just easier.

Ps: you don't suck. Technology sucks.

Ps 2: I got deceased at "despite being a huge geek and a huge asshole"😂 a bitch died big time:P