Bureau Rats – Episode 5
After a long night of manipulating and hiding some of Cobra’s files, White Hat is at a small farmhouse a few miles outside the city. A familiar voice greets him.
Voice: You didn’t see the ‘no trespassing’ sign?
White Hat turns around slowly.
White Hat: Perhaps I misunderstood your message from yesterday.
Voice: I didn’t send you a message yesterday.
White Hat (smirks): You’ve always been a terrible liar.
The old friends smile and shake hands.
White Hat: Good to see you, Tommy Zee. It’s been over a year, hasn’t it?
Tommy: Something like that.
White Hat: So what motivated you to break your silence? Just wanted to show off your farm?
Tommy: Was it you?
White Hat (sarcastic): Can you be more vague?
Tommy holds up a phone and points to a news article from an independent media site. The article is about the recent developments at the Bureau Of Regulating Everything.
Tommy: This.
White Hat smiles widely and stares at Tommy.
Tommy: Do you have a death wish?
White Hat: Only in the morning.
Tommy laughs.
White Hat: Glad you’re giving that some coverage on your site. What’s it called again?
Tommy: The Free Life.
White Hat: What’s your readership, a few thousand people a week? Better than nothing, I guess.
Tommy: And you think that by taking down some of their enforcers and bureau rats that it’ll change anything? There are always more people to fill those shoes.
White Hat: And you’re gonna live off grid and everything will just work itself out?
Tommy: I teach people how to be free with the info I put out publicly, and I live it myself out here.
White Hat: It’s not enough.
Tommy: Maybe you’re right, but it’s all I can do.
There’s an awkward silence between the two.
White Hat: Maybe we’re both right. Maybe the answer is ‘all of the above’.
Tommy: Fair enough. You have anything planned next, or will you be smart and lay low for a while?
White Hat: Not sure. I’ll see how strong my death wish is tomorrow morning.
Tommy: If you need anything, let me know.
White Hat: Is your better half ok with that?
Tommy hesitates.
Tommy: It might take some smooth talking on my part, but yeah, I think she’ll come around.
White Hat: Good to see you, Tommy.
White Hat smiles and leaves.
Scene 2
Two nefarious, older men are having a meeting at a fancy compound on a private island.
Nefarious Man 1: So far, Julian, the BORE investigation has turned up nothing.
Nefarious Man 2: Yes, Huxley, these things take time.
Huxley: There have been a disturbing number of order-followers and paper pushers leaving their jobs at BORE.
Julian (genuinely surprised, long face): Really? How many?
Huxley: More than 200 this week!
Julian: What’s the usual number?
Huxley: Less than one. Usually tax slaves love the so-called job security of a government post, so they rarely leave.
Julian (sips martini, swallows bite of quail): This is more serious than I thought. Perhaps we should have a meeting with others from our class?
Huxley: Agreed. But no quail next time. It’s highly overrated.
Julian (rinses mouth, spits): Agreed. Before the meeting, though, we must meet our contact at BORE. What was her name again?
Huxley: Paisley Periwinkle, if memory serves.
Julian: Wonderful. Let’s meet Ms. Periwinkle soon. In the meantime, let’s instruct her to have the Fraternal League Of Police double their seizures so we might recover some of our losses, hmmmm?
Huxley: Yes, good thinking, Julian. We’ll get the FLOP on it right away. But before we do that, where are those girls?
Scene 3
White Hat is at his nondescript, middle class house, listening to 80s pop music in his minimally furnished living room. Cobra interrupts.
Cobra: White Hat, there’s a message from the FLOP Commissioner coming down the so-called chain of command. I suggest we take action against them.
White Hat (sighs deeply): Ok, lemme hear it.
Cobra: Would you be interested in seeing two middle ranking rights violators receive the news?
White Hat (sarcastic): Well, it’s not as intriguing as 80s music, but I guess. Let’s have a look.
Scene shifts to:
Floor 33 of building 187 in the BORE government complex, two middle ranking, middle aged, pudgy rights violators with fancy titles are sitting at their fake wood desks. One of them is playing online blackjack, while the other is staring out at the slums just beneath the BORE building.
Rights Violator 1 (shaking his head in disgust, looking down on the slums): Glad I don’t have to work down there anymore.
Rights Violator 2 (staring intensely at blackjack game): Aw, come on Frank, don’t ya miss it down there? I do sometimes. (slams mouse down angrily) Damn! How do they get blackjack so much? (turns to Frank) I mean, don’t ya miss beating up the little people? Shaking them down? Intimidating? Regulating?
Frank: Yeah, Paulie, I guess I do, once in a while. (whimsical smile)
Paulie: And now all we do is sit around here, processing paperwork and skimming off the top. Sure, it’s better pay, but the action, I miss the action.
Frank: You’re right, Paulie.
Paulie: Like that new kid, Johnson. He’s a one-man wrecking crew! He put 50 people in cages last week, stole over 50K…
Frank interrupts: Seized, Paulie. Not stole.
Paulie: Seized, I stand corrected.
Both snicker
Paulie: And he got enough drugs to keep an army of tooth fairies high for a year!
Frank (confused): I don’t know what that means, but ok.
They’re interrupted by a message from Cobra.
Cobra: Good afternoon, boys. There is an urgent message from FLOP Commissioner Lance A. Mann.
Frank (groaning): Him again? It never ends, does it, Paulie?
Paulie shrugs.
Paulie: Ok, Cobra, let’s hear it.
Lance A. Mann: Greetings, fellow FLOP members. A new order has come down to us which will be put into action immediately. We must double our seizures this month. Do anything and everything necessary to make this happen. We do not have a reason for this, nor do we need one. If you need any assistance in increasing your seizures, please reference the FLOP operations field manual, chapter 6, section 6, subsection 6, titled ‘how to increase seizures’. As always, we thank you for your service. (voice fades a bit) Aw, stop, that tickles! Shit, did that get in the message?
Message ends abruptly.
Scene shifts back to White Hat
White Hat: You’re right, Cobra. We’ll deal with the FLOP next.
End Episode 5
