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Episode 11
Scene 1
The Blazing Muffin is exploring the Dust Cluster. Everyone is on the bridge, admiring the view.
Blue: Wow, so colorful.
Tom: You guys haven’t been here before?
Blackjack: Not many have because it’s so remote and there aren’t any inhabited worlds nearby.
Pokher (shocked): Whoa! What’s that?
Blackjack: Computer, magnify ten times.
The image on the screen zooms in on a bizarre object.
Pixel: What is that? I’ve never seen anything like it.
Tom (squinting at screen): It looks like a….(thoughtful pause)….donut.
All turn to Tom and ask in unison: A what?
Tom: A donut. It’s a type of breakfast pastry from Earth. (looks at screen again) It doesn’t just look like a donut. I think it is a donut.
Blue: Why does it have a hole in it?
Tom: How should I know? I’ve never seen a giant space donut before!
Blackjack: A giant Earth pastry just floating around and spinning in outer space? What have you been smoking, Tom?
Tom: But that’s what it looks like!
Pokher: Computer, analyze the donut. What material is it made of?
Computer: It is an unknown substance of unknown origin.
Tom: I wonder what happens if we fly through the donut hole.
Pixel: Donut hole?
Tom: Yeah, you don’t see that giant hole in the middle of the donut?
Everyone looks at the hole in the middle of the donut.
Blackjack: It just looks like normal space in the donut hole. Computer, analyze the other side of the donut hole.
Computer: Pretty typical stuff. Dark matter, dark energy, space dust, cos…
Blackjack cuts the computer off.
Blackjack: Nothing out of the ordinary?
Computer: Not that I can detect.
Tom: Let’s fly through the donut hole.
Blue: I’m not a big fan of going through mystery holes.
Pokher: Neither am I, but I would like to examine the donut from multiple angles.
Blackjack: Ok, let’s do it. Pixel, guide us slowly through the donut hole.
The Blazing Muffin is thrust slowly into the donut hole. They all watch with fascination as they pass into the hole. Tom’s mind drifts as he stares at the deep space anomaly. Suddenly, their senses are assaulted by a plethora of what appear to be multi-colored candy sprinkles, and the next thing they know….
Scene 2
A foggy-headed Tom looks around at his surroundings, and finds it quite different from his previous experience. He is in a hot and dusty place, in a small, primitive town that looks vaguely like something from Earth history. Tom looks down at himself and is shocked to see that he’s wearing a decorative western shirt, bolo tie, cowboy boots, dusty old denim jeans, and chaps. He also has a couple of pistols on his hips. Then he notices his shipmates nearby, dressed in similar fashion. A horse gallops by them and startles the crew.
Blackjack: What the #*@(!
Pokher: Maybe we shouldn’t have gone through the donut hole.
Blackjack: Computer, what happened?
No answer.
A young boy runs up to the group.
Boy (to Tom): You better get out of town, kid!
Tom (confused): You’re a kid, I’m not a kid.
Boy: Did you bump your head, mister? Of course you’re the kid!
Boy runs away.
Tom: Why did that kid call me kid?
Pixel: I dunno. All this is unfamiliar to me.
Tom surveys the surroundings a little more.
Tom: It looks like something out of the American West on Earth, or at least a bad Hollywood projection of it.
Blue: What’s a Hollywood projection?
Tom: A movie.
They all look confused.
Tom: You guys don’t have movies on your planets? It’s a fictional story told in video form.
Pixel: What a strange way to tell a story.
Blackjack: Well, if we’re gonna figure this out and get back to The Blazing Muffin, we should start moving and investigate.
Tom spots a saloon in the middle distance.
Tom: Let’s talk to some people at the saloon and at least figure out where and when we are.
They walk into a rustic, neo-western saloon. A piano player stops abruptly and it gets eerily silent as the heavily mustached crowd looks at the newcomers. The bartender breaks the silence.
Bartender: Hey, kid. With all due respect, we don’t want no trouble.
Tom: You’re the second person to call me kid.
Bartender: You know the sheriff makes his rounds here about this time. Please, we don’t want no trouble.
Blackjack: Why does he think we want trouble?
Pokher: What does he mean by that?
Tom: Yeah, um, we don’t want trouble either. Could you tell me what year it is?
Everyone gets confused looks on faces.
Bartender: You feeling ok, Billy?
Tom: What, now I’m Billy? You’re not helping.
The doors swing open and a gruff man in uniform with a shiny badge on his shirt struts into the bar.
Bartender: Hey there, Sheriff. (ducks down under bar)
Sheriff: Must be my lucky day!
Pixel: What’s a sheriff?
Tom: Someone who thinks they have the right to use violence and coercion in a small, localized area.
Sheriff: Billy the Kid is finally gonna get a taste of justice! And I get the fame and the reward! Kid, you’re comin’ with me.
Tom: No, thanks.
Sheriff: Come on, don’t make this difficult.
Tom: We’ll leave. Just leave us alone.
Tom and the rest of The Blazing Muffin crew begin to walk out.
Sheriff: Billy….
Sheriff starts to draw a pistol, but Tom pulls it much faster and shoots the sheriff in the face. Tom and crew run out of the saloon and disappear into the hills.
Pokher: Do those names mean anything to you Tom?
Tom: Well, Billy the Kid was a famous gunslinger on Earth in the late 19th century. But why do people think I’m him?
Blue: Perhaps the donut hole sent us to a different time and place.
Blackjack: That seems reasonable.
Tom: Well, I need to find some food soon. I’m famished.
Pokher: Good luck finding any. We’re in the middle of a desert.
Tom: Hey Pixel, can you analyze this plant and see if it’s edible?
Tom hands a small, button-shaped, spineless cactus to Pixel. Pixel scans and analyses it.
Pixel: It seems to be an edible type of cactus. It doesn’t seem to have much nutrient value, but I suppose it’s better than nothing.
Everyone but Pixel eats the cacti. An hour later, they all start to feel strange, especially Tom.
Tom: Whoa, everything looks so weird. And sounds weird.
Tom projectile vomits.
Pixel: You ok, Tom?
Tom (look of realization): Ohhhhhh, Noooooooo. I think I know what that cactus is.
Pixel: What’s that?
Tom: It’s Peyote, an Earth psychedelic.
Everyone grumbles and scolds Tom.
Blackjack (disapproving): Tom, you should know your home planet’s psychedelics!
Pokher: Yeah, Tom!
Tom (breathing heavily): It’s ok, it’ll be over in a couple days or so.
Scene 3
Two days later, Tom wakes up slowly near a small creek. Curiously, there is one feather in his hair. He notes the feather, then moves on to more important matters. He sees the rest of the crew nearby, talking amongst themselves. As he stands up, he notices something very strange. There appears to be a glass wall that goes on forever, just past the creek and over a small, rocky hill. He wades through the creek. His companions notice him, call out to him, and try to catch up. Tom continues past the hill, and when he reaches the glass, is astounded even more. There appears to be a giant on the other side of the glass. When the others catch up, they are equally awed.
Tom: Do you guys see that?
Pixel: It’s a giant human.
Pokher: And he’s staring at us.
Tom studies the giant in more detail.
Tom: Hey, wait a minute….he looks familiar. (look of realization, screams) That’s my dad!
Blackjack: What?
Tom: But when he was a child!
The giant child walks closer to the glass and peers closer at the characters before him.
Child: Something is wrong with the TV.
Tom: He just said something is wrong with the TV!
Child looks shocked.
Child: You can hear me?
Tom: Of course I can hear you. You’re right in front of me!
Child screams for his parents. They come running into the living room.
Tom: Grandma? Grandpa?
Child: Why did Billy the Kid just call you grandma and grandpa?
Grandma: Must be a defective set.
Grandpa: I’ll take it back to the store tomorrow. Shut it off for now.
Child goes to shut off the TV.
Tom (pleading): Wait! Dad, what year is it?
Pixel: Are you sure you should be calling him dad? You do know about time paradoxes, right?
Child: 1990. Duh.
He shuts off the TV, but the scene remains on screen.
Child: How is this possible?
Grandpa: Just unplug it, son.
Child unplugs it, but it stays on. Tom’s grandma screams and drops a wine glass.
Tom (yelling): Run away from the screen! We gotta figure this out!
Tom’s family watches as he and the others turn their backs and run away.
To be continued…..
Thanks for your time and attention!
Just say "NO" to slavery!
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