Vagabund.
It's a German word that translates to wanderer or vagabond.
That's how I feel now for the last few years, 10 years to be exact. Being in three different countries, I don't feel at home anywhere else. Neither in my own country nor in a foreign country.
Is that a problem?
No, as long as everything is fine inside. Wandering and rambling can be done with a smile on your face. If life shows new pictures in bright colors, why not?
The smiling vagabund flips through these pictures, counts down the beat, rejoices in life. Everything is as it was before. It's a constant.
Remember what a snap of the fingers sounds like? It's basically a slap for the palm of one finger with the help of another finger. Fractions of a second. No pain.
But if the days fly by one after another after that each snap, what's in between?
The real world is too different from a movie or lines written in advance. Social media is both a gift and a curse. The scale by which we're already used to judging people doesn't exist. If you've already started to see that scale, it's time to stop.
Two snaps of the fingers.
Entering a foreign country, in the first few seconds you lose everything. Absolutely everything. A friend of mine used to say that moving is a little flood. Everything you've collected in your room or house can be lost forever. Every move cuts off a little piece of flesh from you. Forever.
Only you decide what fills that space inside and outside of you.
Only you.
When you move to another city, you always take yourself with you.
Yeah, that's true. But if you can't get your skeletons out any other way, why not? If you need crutches to go and then eventually take off, maybe crutches can become wings.
It's up to you to decide...
I'm in no hurry anymore. Simultaneously absorbing every minute. There is almost no free time at all, but the smell of freedom is present in every second. It's impossible to convey. People here have forgotten about fear, it seems. I hope my land will someday learn to live like that. In the meantime, I'll try it myself.
Deep breath.
Come on, at least five minutes, at least a few lines. But the fatigue is so intrusive every day that I'm starting to learn to write in my mind.
It turns out pretty badly, judging by the timing of the first line and this one. 100 finger snaps. Even more...
I doubt the vagabond can be in charge here.
Snap.
If you don't know who's in charge now, it's the ego that's in charge now. It doesn't matter if it's your ego or someone else's ego. These few letters rule this world, including our lives. This battle is pleasant to watch, but unpleasant to experience. It feels good to win, but is it a victory? When I'm moving further and further away from a goal or happiness. (Love, success, money or peace of mind. Add to your liking.)
And am I the winner here?
All attitudes, prejudices, clichés and imposed values must and will be revised sooner or later. Without regret and without remorse. Nothing is a constant except a dozen commandments from the Bible. And not because it's the bible. There's just really nothing there to discuss or revise.
It's not faith. It's what allows us to remain human. A constant that is being twiddled on various fingers and body parts by all the politicians of this world right now. It always has been and always will be. This seems to be the right time to decentralize.
Crypto. Thousands of flicks and kilometers to go.
A good life is like a good speech. It's always a little underwritten. Or a little under-said. Always. Because everything is happening right now, and spontaneous actions and thoughts can mean a lot in a few years or decades.
Or it could mean nothing.
Depends on how consciously this machine in our hands clicks.
The only time I truly stop is when I wander between these lines. I regain my consciousness. It's what I promised myself when I first realized the meaning of this word.
Time has stopped. Or time doesn't exist. It's just our imagination, but that's a whole other story.....
Photo - Poznań, Poland. 2023
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