They simply represent some of the most common and damaging factors behind relational dissolution.

Trust Issues

Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.

Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals.

Different Expectations

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

― Mark Twain

It’s not easy for a couple to walk a journey together for a long time. The elements that frequently draw two people toward one-another at the beginning of a relationship – physical attraction, sexual passion, common interests, personality connections, socio-economic backgrounds – often become less central as the realities and demands of day to day life sets in. Overtime, a couple’s expectations in the relationship may differentiate, as they begin to see their respective life plans as “what I want,” instead of “what we want.”

Differences in Priorities

Your partner has different priorities and expectations regarding the relationship.

For some, the significant-other relationship (and family) is the primary center of gravity of life. Nothing else comes close in its importance.

For others, a romantic relationship, even a committed one, is but one facet of life. There are many other aspects of life which, in their perspective, can justifiably take higher priority.

Compatibility Issues

Relational compatibility is a large topic worthy of full volumes of its own. In my books (click on titles) “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”, relationship compatibility is explored in detail from several perspectives, including compatibility in intimacy, compatibility in personality types, and compatibility in attachment styles.

Communication Issues

This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (or a lack thereof) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce (1)(2).

Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couples studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.

Contempt, the opposite of respect, is often expressed via negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual. In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue”. Contemptuous communication works like poison - it destroys the health and well-being of a romantic relationship.

Narcissism

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration." Narcissism is often marked by a lack of true intimacy in relationship (3).

Signs of narcissism may include (and are not limited to) superiority complex, grandiose self-image, entitlement, conceit, boundary violations, false charm, the Don Juan syndrome, manipulation, irresponsibility, rule breaking, extreme selfishness, negative emotions, and contempt towards others. Significantly, research indicates that high narcissism is correlated with susceptibility to infidelity (4)(5).

Relational Abuse

For the purpose of this writing, relational abuse is defined as the repeated mistreatment of an individual. Examples of relational abuse include: Verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse. Pathological manipulation. Pathological Narcissism. Pathological passive-aggressiveness. Excessive control and dominance. For more on this subject, see my books (click on titles): "How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People", "How to Successfully Handle Narcissists", and "How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People".

Life Habit Abuse

Life habit abuses are traits which, although may or may not directly involve the partner (such as a secret gambling addiction), may ultimately affect the relationship in a destructive way. Examples of life habit abuse include: Drug addiction. Alcohol addiction. Gambling addiction. Sexual addiction.

.Money Issues

The longer a couple has been together in a committed relationship, the greater the possibility of financial incompatibility. According to research, differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution (6)(7). A couple also doesn’t need to be married to have money challenges.