The coldness I'd heard in her voice vanished. As she picked up the last of my wet clothes Crystal stopped avoiding looking at me. This time I was the one who turned away. Reaching for the soap, I began to wash myself. As I did she grasped my left arm gently. Unlike her older scars, mine were a livid red. My forearm had a slight bend to it. I was the one evading now. My first instinct had been to pull away.
"You said you choose not to acknowledge pain kid. Is your arm painful for you now?"
I debated what to tell her. Settled on the truth.
"Yes."
Her breath caught. Her soft touch became even softer as she twisted my forearm.
"Is that because I..."
"No." I interrupted. "It hurts all the time. Nothing you did made it any worse." Her concern for me deserved some response. "I'm sorry for fighting you. It's become a habit. Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?"
"No... I'm fine. Maybe bruised my butt." She stood up, releasing me, gathering up my clothes. She stopped at the door. "You talked like a human being then. When you asked if you'd hurt me.... It sounded like you meant it." I didn't respond, it wasn't a question, it was an observation. "I'm going to put these in the washer. Get changed and I'll fetch you some clean things. The towels are there, when you need them."
I washed myself from head to foot. Then washed again, more thoroughly. The third time I made sure I'd gone over every part of me. There was shampoo. I didn't use it. Cleaning my hair with the soap instead. Before I'd finished she'd returned with some clothing. Shorts and a t-shirt, plus my underthings. I know she was studying me. I sat motionless while she did. A few minutes after she left, I climbed out and dried myself. After so long living like a pig the whole experience was surreal. From the bath to putting on the clothes. They felt odd on me. I could hear her drying her hair as I exited the bathroom. Mine didn't require that amount of care. Still dragging a brush through her long mane, she came out of her off limits bedroom. Giving me a tight smile she took a seat, gesturing me to her. It soon became apparent to me she was checking out my wounds. I allowed her to turn me round. Then she asked permission to raise my shirt so she could examine my back.
There were a few scars there. Injuries I hadn't been aware of. Like the pock marks on my legs for example. Where shards of exploding car had struck me. They weren't that bad. There was a long cut on my back, where I'd landed on something. Was she comparing our blemishes? I didn't know. I asked her if I was permitted to eat the sandwich. She nodded. Deep in thought. Cracking open the airtight container I held it in my hands. Soft granary bread. Mixed whole grain. Canadian cheddar cheese and spicy Italian ham. I inhaled it deeply, before taking the first small bite of crust. I chewed it untill the starch became sugar.
"Do you always eat so slowly? It'll be supper time before you finish it." Her smile told me she meant that as a joke.
"Finger food yes. When it's hot I eat it faster. If that's a problem I can change the habit."
"No. It's not a problem kid." Without even looking I knew she was weighing something up. "Do you want to talk about... anything?"
"No. Thank you for asking."
I actually felt her body language this time. The stiffening of her muscles. The way she shifted in the chair.
"Your mom and dad?" She softly urged.
Her eyes were sparkling slightly. It wasn't in the good way. My immediate retort faded from my mind.
"What would be the point? They're dead. I could make something up if you like."
Ms Goodbody switched her focus.
"How much pain are you in? Physically."
They'd tried this tack numerous times. With every aspect of my treatment and recovery.
"On a scale of 1 to 10? Where one is barely and ten is intolerable?" She nodded, her eyes misty now. "It's a constant 4, I can even feel in my sleep. Sometimes it goes up to a 7 and if I jar it then it can become.... intolerable. It soon passes. Do you have internet access?"
She was slowly shaking her head. The question took a while to percolate into her conscious.
"Yeah. Smoke signals don't work that well in this weather. The password is the same as the wifi key on the router. It's in my room. I'll get it for you. There's a porn filter."
She sniffed giving a tiny smile as my head rotated towards her. It is impossible to overstate how good I felt that my reaction had cheered her up.
"I've already downloaded more than I need anyway."
My heart sank as her expression changed to one of shock. Then rose again when she realized I was joking.
"Soooo you can talk like real people and you have a sense of humor. Both of them buried deep down inside. Now if we can just get you to act like a 12 year old instead of a college professor, we'll be cooking with gas. I'll get that password for ya. Um... I only have the one TV." She inclined her head towards a cabinet on the other side of the living area. "When I can afford another one..."
"I don't watch a lot of TV. None since my parents died."
"Good for you kid. Good for you."
"Do you wish me to remain in my room? I'm an inconvenience to you, so perhaps it would be best for me to stay out of sight. If I'm too much of a problem.."
She held up her hand to stop me.
"This is temporary. Okay? That doesn't mean I'm going to kick you out any second, or at the slightest hint of a problem. Besides, right now I need the 1300 a month you're bringing in."
"Is that another joke?" I asked as she headed into her room.
"Yeah. But it's funnier because it's true. And like I said kid. You can go anywhere you want, except my space. The rest of the house is yours. That doesn't mean I won't need private time. If I send you to your room I want you to stay there until I tell you otherwise."
I fetched the laptop from my room. Not that I really thought of it as my room. I was a guest. Remarkably the laptop was the only thing which escaped damage in the crash. The search party had found it still in its protective case near the burned out wreck. It had come through completely unscathed, unlike everything else. To me it demonstrated the randomness of existence. Possibly the most fragile thing being intact. It was the last thing they'd bought me, just before we took the trip. I think it might have been a bribe to keep me from creating too much mischief. Even then it was only in the case because there was no internet access.A random combination of circumstances had saved it while killing my mother and father.
Crystal cooked a nice pork stew for supper. Perfectly seasoned to my taste. She spent a few minutes watching me spoon it down. As soon as I'd finished eating, I asked permission to leave the table, then carried my dish into the kitchen. Setting it in the sink. Watching the spoon wobble to a halt before I returned. Around 9 she told me I should prepare for bed. I had a shadow as I rinsed off and brushed my teeth. Her watching me thoughtfully, as I did my ablutions. When I got to bed, there were pyjamas laid out for me. I stared at them for a long time. Something bubbling inside me I couldn't understand. I eventually put them on before climbing into the bed. It was far more comfortable than anything I'd slept in for over 6 months. The mattress wasn't covered in plastic sheeting, so my sweat didn't pool around me.
I awoke instantly everyone of my senses straining. It was a power I seemed to have developed from my adventure. Or should that be ordeal? My eyes opening like shutters. Wide awake. There was a noise, or there had been one. My phone told me it was 12:48 in the morning. It had come from outside. I don't know how I knew. I pulled the knife from under my pillow, where I'd secreted it before I slept. It had kept me alive. It was my lucky charm. My teeth and claws.
I crept through the house in my bare feet. Into the living room. A light came on in Ms Goodbody's room. I heard low voices. Interesting. Even more interesting was that the light showed me there was a gap up in beams above the room. A small block of light from what I assume was a table lamp. Putting the knife between my teeth I silently climbed up onto the dining table. From there I jumped to grasp the beam above. Pulling myself up I made my way closer to the source of the voices. I could hear them more clearly now. I could also see down into the bedroom. Although it was a letterbox sized view. She was hugging someone. I couldn't see faces. merely their arms and part of the torso.
"What the hell are you doing here Dan? I told you not to come over until I'd worked things out."
"Nice to see you to baby girl. I came off shift at midnight. I was in the area and thought I'd drop by. Look if it's really that important I can go. Nobody saw me I promise. No one will know I've been here."
"You're here now. You might as well stay for a while. Keep your voice down though. That kids staying over. And don't ask. You know I don't talk about any of them."
"Maybe I could sneak over Friday night as well."
"Don't push it Dan." She chuckled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We'll see how this plays out first of all."
"Come here baby girl. Give ol Dan a proper welcome."
The two of them came into view again. I could even see her face. She was looking up into his. She stretched and he dipped into a kiss I couldn't see. When she eventually pulled back I could see something in her eyes. Something vaguely familiar. Mother. My mothers eyes. Looking down on me with that expression. That was love. And as Dan moved I caught a glimpse of the yellow and blue badge of a Washington State Trooper.
I felt unclean and ashamed as I watched Ms Goodbody cup his cheeks and give him that look. Although part of me felt happy she had someone, another part knew I was trespassing on their privacy. More importantly hers. He was a state trooper. The place was safer with him in it than not. I crept back over the table and lowered myself onto it. Dropping the last foot. I went back to bed, my ears still burning with self loathing. It was okay though. I'd become used to it the last few months.