Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

Chuck Norris got a standing ovation by simply walking into a paraplegic convention.

The U2 song "Sunday Bloody Sunday" was written to depict the day of the week when Chuck Norris has sex with Irish women.

Chuck Norris would love to go to town on your town.

When Chuck Norris walks up to you, then without a word turns around, bends over, and strikes a match between his legs, know that you are about to die the most unbelievably awesome death possible.

Chuck Norris can actually shoot a breeze

Chuck Norris' recent book tour... 1)PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI January 12, 2010 2)NORTHERN CALIFORNIA February 04, 2010 3)RYUKYU ISLANDS, JAPAN February 26, 2010 4)MAULE, CHILE February 27, 2010 5)SOUTHERN

When zombies encounter people they growl and stumble along after them. When zombies encounter Chuck Norris, they scream and run the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris has the teeth of a crocodile. He keeps them in a jar of mayo [the mayo is still inside], and the crocodile has grown back his teeth.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

The most difficult thing about making the Total Gym commercials was keeping Christie Brinkley from tearing off her clothes and begging Chuck Norris, "Take me, Chuck Norris, you magnificient bearded

The dinosaurs didn't go extinct Chuck Norris scared them out of existence.

Most critics agree that the main failing of The Expendables 3 is its inexcusable lack of Chuck Norris.

Cancerous growths have been found on tobacco plants growing in fields that Chuck Norris had walked through.

After a round of 18 holes of golf, Chuck Norris beat Tiger Woods with a score of 17 to 63.

Chuck Norris was scuba diving when he came face to face with a menacing Great White Shark. Chuck gave the shark a bloody nose and leisurely continued his dive.

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