Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews on bees.

Chuck Norris pissed out the Golden Gate Bridge at age 7

Chuck Norris is allowed to draw pictures of Mohammad

Chuck Norris was so ugly when he was born that his mom threw him away and kept the afterbirth.

Wolves howl at the moon. Chuck Norris laughs at us.

Chuck Norris once beat someone to death with water.

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Chuck Norris is widely considered the greatest hip-hop artist of all time.

Chuck Norris cat tie his shoes without laces

A good golfer can often make a 'birdie'. Better golfers frequently get an 'eagle'. Chuck Norris always gets a 'vulture'.

Chuck norris tried to crank that soulja boy but it wouldn't crank up

It goes without saying that non-smoking laws do NOT apply to Chuck Norris. Gas stations, maternity wards, fireworks factories, the White House, wherever he is, he'll strike a match off your face an blow

You know how the old saying goes: You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't stop Chuck Norris from killing you. And that boy.

Chuck Norris has eaten over 3200 species of animals, 2436 of them insects.

Chuck Norris silenced noise.

Chuck Norris doesn't get 2-day deliveries from Amazon, he gets his order the same day

Late at night, Chuck Norris was once walking back home alone after watching a Chuck Norris movie. A mugger approached him from the back, tapped on his shoulder and said "Hey, gimme your money!".

Satan himself is a massive Chuck Norris fan, but Chuck made him member #777 just to piss him off.

Chuck Norris was selected for jury duty. The judge was immediately sentenced to death.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris!