Chuck Norris once donated a pint of blood to a cancer patient. We know that cancer patient now as Superman.

The Rolling Stones would have disbanded less than six months after they formed if Chuck Norris hadn't attended one of their early gigs and jumped onstage to play a devastatingly awesome guitar solo, thus

Chuck Norris knows where your car is - in his stomach.

Chuck Norris's beard is the eigth wonder of the world.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

Chuck Norris doen't always drink beer. But when he does, he prefers to roundhouse kick "The Most Interesting Man in the World" in the face and take his Dos Equis. "Stay thirsty my friends".

The city of Pompeii was not destroyed by a volcanic eruption, but rather an eruption from Chuck Norris after having eaten a truckload of Southern Homestyle Chili. He was the only survivor.

One time the Enterprise needed to exceed warp 9 speed, so Chuck Norris round house kicked it. The Enterprise warped out of existence.

Chuck Norris can quitely sneak up on himself

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Chuck Norris has topped a bottom gay man straight.

The U.S. Government has come up with a new form of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.

Chuck Norris cleverly makes freezer bags out of gorilla scrotums.

when theres a war going on between them and Chuck Norris he dont need back up cuz he is the back up

Chuck Norris once saw Spiderman on a wall so he folded up a newspaper and swatted him.

Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes

Chuck Norris can un-spike punch.

Optimus Prime owns a Chuck Norris action figure

Chucky is actually Chuck Norris' son.......wait what the fu-

Sperm clinics provide Chuck Norris with Shop-Vac and an empty 55 gallon drum for every single donation.