If I had a nickel for every Chuck Norris joke out there...

When Chuck Norris has heartburn he eats a dozen Bhut Jolokia peppers then he drinks a gallon of napalm, then he eats a lit cigarette

As a one-man band, Chuck Norris can do note-perfect renditions of Slipknot songs.

Muhammad Ali is so fast, that when he turns out the bedroom light, he finds Chuck Norris in bed saying, "Get your own bed, fag!" Before the room goes dark.

Chuck Norris energy drink is liquid nitrogen!

When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.

Nobody even survives the audio commentary of Chuck Norris' movies.

Chuck Norris was in a Jack Ryan movie. He was The Sum of All Fears.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, To fetch her poor doggie a bone. But when she bent over, Chuck Norris took over. Because Chuck had a bone of his own.

Chuck Norris is never 'armed to the teeth'. He is armed WITH teeth.

Chuck Norris once gave Mike Tyson a black eye.

The USA is now the CNC [Chuck Norris Country]. Lawl did you really think i was Chuck Norris? no, im that "..." guy trololololololoftjhdlshkgksejeklnadjsuehukdkjfdlxgijhjwvddkDARN NOT

Tigers developed stripes as an evolutionary strategy. Chuck Norris made them an endangered species anyway.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris has crushed enough testicles to fill 14 oatmeal museums.

Chuck Norris beat God in an arm-wrestle......with his feet.

Chuck Norris invented Hip Hop so that he could hate on Hip Hop artists and roundhouse kick them for his personal entertainment while watching Walker Texas Ranger on TV.

Chuck Norris terminated the terminator.

Chuck Norris invented time travel. He's roundhouse kicked 170,000 people into next week thus far.

Chuck Norris' "little black book" was recently used by the Texas government to compile their last phone directory.