Chuck Norris uses the planet Jupiter as his personal sauna.

Chuck Norris once beat a ghost to life.

When the Hulk sees Chuck Norris, he turns back into Bruce Banner.

Even when Chuck Norris is broke, he can still afford anything at the store.

Chuck Norris is the world's only Nobel prize-winning astrophysicist who gained his credentials solely by intimidating and beating the shit out of a bunch of eggheads.

Chuck Norris once competed in the Tour de France riding a unicycle backwards with an elephant on his back. He crossed the finish line 5 days before the runner-up.

Chuck Norris can literally turn your ass into grass.

Chuck Norris can make a snowman out of raindrops.

Chuck Norris can sing with his feet and walk on his eyeballs.

Bowser was once like any other Koopa- until Chuck Norris breathed on him.

David Carradine was found dead shortly after Chuck Norris finished watching Kill Bill 2.

Bill Clinton got Chuck Norris' sloppy seconds

If you're ever stupid enough to ask for Chuck Norris' credentials, expect to witness something completely mind-blowing and impossibly awesome just before your brutal death.

Chuck Norris' penis used to be bigger, but has been worn down from years of constant erosive friction. It's still massive, though.

Chuck Norris' beard's beard's beard has a beard

A fight broke out at a bar between a gangster who had a gun, a farmer who had a bat and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris proceeded to win the fight with only a 3 inch piece of dental floss, a stick of chapstick,

Villagers used to tremble with fear when they heard Atilla the Hun was coming. Atilla the Hun shit his pants when he heard Chuck Norris was coming!

Chuck Norris can cough in 7 different languages.

The original title for Alien vs Predator used to be called Alien vs Chuck Norris. But no one wanted to pay $7.50 for a 10 second movie

The day before the MTV awards, Miley was broken in by Chuck Norris.