The reason why the truth hurts, is because Chuck Norris round-house kicked it in the face

Chuck Norris is the anonymous lucky bastard who won the $157 million Lottery jackpot. What are you going to do about it?

Chuck Norris invented tear gas by squeezing the stink out of a skunk.

Chuck Norris uses a Glock as a PEZ dispenser.

If Chuck Norris gives you a bag of wet mice for a Christmas gift, consider yourself lucky! It could have been something related to his foot and your face.

Chuck Norris has delivered enough roundhouse kicks to the ass to know just how many of them it takes to make a bountiful bouquet of hemorrhoids.

Converse were originally called Chuck Norris...not Chuck Taylor.

"He protects woman, and kills enemies. We should all be like Chuck Norris" - Israli Officer

Chuck Norris can kill you in your sleep even if you're wide awake.

Chuck Norris drinks carrots by themselves in a way I will not tell you. All that I will say is that he sometimes drinks carrot juice instead.

Chuck Norris doesn't shuck oysters. He chucks them.

Chuck Norris doesn't die: he just takes five minute breaks.

Chuck Norris once had an alcohol abuse problem. He entered a rehab center and completed the 12 step recovery program in a 1/2 step.

When Chuck Norris guested on Hell's Kitchen, Gordon Ramsay did not swear once and heartily praised and ate Chuck's offering of burnt toast and pubes.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a huge alligator for over 9 hours before he realized that he was actually masterbating.

No one invented superman, it was just a rip-off of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury

The angel of death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris is so good, he yells his own name out during sex.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck NORRIS