Chuck Norris will personally roundhouse kick you if you don't get off this website and get back to work!

Chuck Norris once got into a pissing match with a fire hose and won!

Chuck Norris likes to take his dates on romantic gondola rides down Class VI whitewater rapids. Needles to say, it is the best sex of their lives.

the voices randy orton hears in his head are in fact Chuck Norris whispering to him

Chuck Norris is so cool, Chuck Norris never "pops his collar"; his shirt just gets an erection when it touches his skin!

Chuck Norris can make diamonds from belly button lint.

Chuck Norris was challenged to a fight by the high school bully, so Chuck proceeded to kick the crap out of him. Chuck was in the fifth grade at the time.

Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in the 100 meter dash.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can use the earths rotation as a tredmill.

Chuck Norris can cut Granite, with a butter knife.

Chuck Norris doesn't pedal a bike. He roundhouse-kicks one of the pedals to go a mile.

Chuck Norris once pissed in a gas tank of a semi truck as a joke......that truck is now know as Optimus Prime

the voices randy orton hears in his head are in fact Chuck Norris whispering to him

Chuck norris fly fishes for whales.

The world is supposed to end in 2012. Chuck Norris must be retiring.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Chuck Norris first toy was a pistol a real pistol he had it since he was 3 yrs old.

the reason they couldent find any oil after the gulf oil spill is because Chuck Norris wanted to prove to the world that he could mix oil and water.

Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with 20,000 women in his life, or only 1.8 billion less than Chuck Norris.

Listen. Understand. Chuck Norris is out there. He can't be reasoned with, he can't be bargained with...he doesn't feel pity of remorse or fear... and he absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.