Chuck Norris can cut a diamond with a spoon

It should be blatantly obvious to all, but it still bears repeating: never, ever, EVER ask Chuck Norris to take his boots off when he enters your house.

Superman has no defense against Kryptonite...and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is accepted into any gang. Blood or Crip

During the Japan Tsunami a UFO was spotted flying out of the water.Recent news report Chuck Norris piloted the object. That object was his leg.

Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him

The Looney Tunes were originally called just The Tunes... until Chuck Norris made them Looney!

Chuck Norris can make a cat land on its back.

Chuck Norris can walk a tight rope upsidedown.

CHUCK NORRIS CAN KILL TWO STONES WITH ONE BIRD

Chuck Norris spelled backward is still Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can speak in any of 37 foreign languages in a Dyslexic format.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the universe in the face and said "get a job".

Chuck Norris turned up at Buckingham Palace for his knighthood seven hours late and reeking of alcohol and pussy, and wearing only a flak jacket and christmas lights. When the queen touched his shoulder

Bigfoot has plaster casts of Chuck Norris' foot prints.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase "coined the phrase"

The cosmic microwave background radiation is a remnant of Chuck Norris' birth.

Chuck Norris can squeeze carviar out of a lemon.

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he spanked his monkey with a baboon.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.