Global warming? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris said he will give the Jews something to cry about if they don't stop milking the holocaust and get the fuck over it.

Chuck Norris can get blood out of a stone.

We all need somebody to lean on. Except for CHuck Norris.

Some men are lovers. Some men are fighters. Chuck Norris kills 'em just the same.

Chuck Norris invented piles as a way to keep people from sitting on his chair

Movies that suck never feature Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris gives the Grim Reaper night terrors.

Chuck Norris walked into LAX airport wearing a full suit of armour and carrying two Gatling guns and walked directly from the check-in desk to the cockpit of his plane uninterrupted.

The reason why Chuck Norris was made is because hes freaking badass.

Chuck Norris is older than his own dad.

Every Chuck Norris handshake comes with a free lifetime limp.

Chuck Norris can take a shit while his buttocks are tied around his front.

Chuck Norris completed his bucket list when he was 14. He officially retired that year.

Only one person ever disagreed that the BIg Bang was the birth of Chuck Norris and survived, Stephen Hawkins

Once Chuck Norris pissed off anger, and that is how happiness was invented.

Chuck Norris thinks outside the box,then roundhouse kicks the box into oblivion.

While building a house in Kansas, Chuck Norris was dared to dig a hole as deep as he could. Chuck Norris dug so deep that the next day there were Squirrels with slanted eyes on his front lawn.

Chuck Norris can think Amy Schumer isn't funny without being labelled a woman-hater.

A semi-tanker truck once accidently spilled 30,000 gallons of petroleum jelly on I-35 in Texas. A schoolbus load of unsuspecting cheerleaders then got rear-ended by Chuck Norris.