The only thing that can survive a nuke is twinkes. And Chuck Norris.

what goes around comes around. what goes around Chuck Norris gets a roundhouse kick and never comes around.

On his Driver's License: Dr Lic#: I'm Chuck Norris Expiration Date: Tomorrow Soc Sec#: 1 Height: Kiss my ass Weight: Benches 885 Eyes: Bloodshot Sex: Yes, frequently Organ Donor: Yes, over 4,603

Florida was only made a state, because Chuck Norris wanted some orange juice.

Condoms melt before they get anywhere near Chuck Norris.

The police routinely question Chuck Norris just because they find him interesting.

The Dos Equis man is actually a fictional representation of Chuck Norris' feminine side.

Chuck Norris can play chopsticks on the piano by using only one of his three tesicles.

Whatever happened to Duncan MacLeod, The Highlander? He foolishly challenged Chuck Norris. In the end, there can be only one. The one is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can get a McDonald's Happy Meal at Burger King.

Chuck Norris has to asexually reproduce due to the fact no woman would survive in bed with him.

Those who play chess with Chuck Norris don't "play" chess, they gamble with their lives.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Michael Jackson invented the Moonwalk after observing Chuck Norris in a pasture while he was scraping horse shit off his boot heels.

A deadly Texas Tornardo knows better than to damage or destroy any property or anything that belongs to Chuck Norris or any of his family if the Tornardo knows what is best for it because Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can call himself on his own cell phone and not get a busy signal.

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

The cookie crumbled because Chuck Norris glanced at it

Chuck Norris completed the Tough Guy Challenge by doing nothing.

Chuck Norris always gets laid on the first date.....always