When Chuck Norris pours milk on his rice cripsies they shut the fuck up!!!

Chuck Norris once set a magnifying glass on fire with ants...during a thunderstorm.

It is impossible to beat Chuck Norris in rock, paper, scissors since his roundhouse kick beats all. Yes, even the bomb.

Chuck Norris uses sandpaper condoms

Chuck Norris has no wrinkles in his sack.

In ancient Rome, Chuck Norris would have laughed while being thrown to the lions.

Chuck Norris smokes only the finest herb through the barrel of a .30-06

All of Chuck Norris' genes are Levi's.

I owe greeney a tenner but he ain't havin it, lmao!!! Chuck Norris also owes Greeney a tenner and chuck gave it to him cos hes a pussy!!

If Michael Jackson can Moon Walk, Chuck Norris can Sun Walk

Chuck Norris makes the speed of light wish it was faster.

Chuck Norris dosn't shoot his gun... he's killing the bullets.

Chuck Norris makes a world famous tray of chocolate chip/macadamamia flavored Snickerdoodle cookies from his dingle berries and toe jam.

Once Chuck Norris went to donate a liter of his own blood to a charity hospital. The doctors in the hospital had to turn down his selfless service as human beings cannot accept smoldering lava for blood

When Chuck Norris showers he doesn't use soap he uses Aromatic Sulfuric Acid.

Someone once told Chuck Norris that a roundhouse kick is not the best kick. This has been noted in history as the worst mistake ever made.

Chuck Norris does not leave tips. Waitresses pay Chuck for the privilege of serving him.

jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can walk on lava

There's a word for someone who doesn't like Chuck Norris movies: pussy.

Chuck Norris killed Zeus in a poker game with a roundhouse kick to the face because Zeus was a sore loser and didn't want to give up his lightning.