Chuck Norris doesn't take life for granted - he just takes lives.

Atlantis is at the bottom of the Atlantic, because that's where Chuck Norris put it.

Chuck Norris' passport is his face.

Even as a kid, Chuck Norris never went number two. It was at least 4.7 on the Richter scale.

Birds developed wings to fly away from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, he invented bird flu.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a gun he sleeps with his fist.

Taco Bell quiere Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could

Chuck Norris never explains what the sodomy has to do with anything.

As a child, Chuck Norris used to engoy making shapes in sandboxes. we call them pyramids

Chuck Norris can make Robin Williams and Lewis Black calm the fuck down.

"Everybody Hates Chris" was originally called "Chuck Norris hates Chris"

All of the athletes caught using steroids were in fact injecting themselves with a drop of Chuck Norris piss!

Chuck Norris can kill Liberty Prime in one hit with a BB Gun.

Chuck Norris can eat or drink anything without a single stop while doing roundhouse kicks.

The Vatican conclave of voting Cardinals burn Chuck Norris dingleberries to create the white smoke that signals the election of a new Pope.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

When Chuck Norris was born it wasn't his mother that pushed him out, he crawled out on his own, round house kicked the doctor and lit a cigar.

Chuck Norris' penis has a twitter page, and every day he drops it on his keyboard and then presses submit. Millions of followers.

Chuck Norris' life is basically a gritty reboot of the concept of grittiness.