Chuck Norris once developed a severe case of upset stomach after eating an entire live rhino. He had to pull the pin and swallow a live hand grenade just to be able to burp.

Chuck Norris' lawnmower is equipped with a battery of hellfire missiles.

Chuck Norris went to walmart once to buy a new laptop. they told him which was the best price. it was the $9.99 so chuck roundhouse kicked them and said i never asked for the price

Steve Jobs recently rickrolled Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

If you offend Chuck Norris in any way, he will murder you without a second thought. Or even a first one.

mortal kombat is not a video game, it is a home video of Chuck Norris's 5th birthday party

Strange but true: auto tune cannot improve Chuck Norris' voice or farts - he is utterly pitch perfect, or, to be more accurate, pitch perfect is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris loves playing soccer - with the grim reaper.

Fanboys such as Genwunners are made when Chuck Norris is hungry for the exact part of the brain that accepts opinions.

Chuck Norris' girlfriend asked him to sing her a tender love song, so Chuck belted out a rousing rendition of George Thorogood's Bad to the Bone.

Only Chuck Norris is allowed to take a dump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Onlookers boating in the bay celebrate the event by getting shit faced before the party drinking begins.

Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club.

Jesus may have walked on water but Chuck Norris swam through land

Chuck Norris is Charlie Sheen's dealer.

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

Chuck Norris that invented Cunnilingus.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot bullets out of guns, the bullets in the gun jump out in fear of Chuck

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot bullets out of guns, the bullets in the gun jump out in fear of Chuck

Chuck Norris doesnt have to have a no solicating sign on his door. he just pee's around the door and sales men know to leave as fast as they can or they will have 5 sec left to live