Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason for JAL flight 123

When Chuck Norris is in Rome.......... The Romans what he does.

When Chuck Norris' balls dropped, the Earth itself wobbled on its axis.

Humans start counting from 1. Computers start counting from 0. Chuck Norris starts counting from negative infinity.

Chuck Norris found Waldo, Carmen Sandiego and Jimmy Hoffa.

Chuck Norris can eat his own head and still have room for dessert

Lightning put Chuck Norris rods on the roof of its' house.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris once jumped up a bannana tree and sang the Star Spangled Banner backwards. When asked why he replied "Happy pappy bang bang!" then shat his pants

Jesus weeps. Chuck Norris doesn't.

Chuck Norris can waterboard you with a jar of M n' Ms

Chuck Norris lives in Navasota, Texas. Navasota has a crime rate of precisely zero. No shit. Look it up.

my computer was running slow and wasn't working right. and ever since i changed the screen saver to a picture of chuck Norris, its speed has increased and runs better than before. coincidence? I think

Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him

Chuck Norris' treehouse has a basement.

Chuck Norris struck gold while performing his own prostate exam.

Chuck Norris uses Old Faithful as his private bidet.

Chuck Norris' pet snail can go 50 mph and that's only it's jogging speed.

Adam and Eve weren't the first people on Earth, Chuck Norris just kept a low profile.