The Terminator peed his pants when he turned around and saw Chuck Norris behind him.

Chuck Norris is so American, he eats tyranny and shits apple pie.

Chuck Norris doesn't laugh in the face of danger. He punches it repeatedly until it's the face of fear.

Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.

Chuck Norris found Carmen Sandiego and promptly boned her.

Chuck Norris can count to 577 on his toes.

There is only one thing that could possibly stop Messi's unstoppable form Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick

Muammar Gaddafi's troops started to defect when Libyan state television began their Chuck Norris-month.

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with a Brillo Pad.

All individuals that have remarkably survived a Chuck Norris attack suffer what in medical terms is called 'optical rectumitis'. That being having their assholes kicked out through their eyesockets

Chuck Norris won the Kentucky Derby by 15 lengths....riding a sawhorse.

Chuck Norris doesn't hate Chris

If survival of the fittest was true, Chuck Norris would be the last thing left on earth.

A man sitting next to Chuck Norris on a plane started to complain about the lack of room and got on Chuck's nerves. So he stuffed the motherfucker into the overhead storage compartment.

The only thing that burns Chuck Norris more than having to look at your face is a lit match 1/8 of an inch away from his asshole.

Chuck Norris once knocked himself out with his own line drive when he slid into second.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror the mirror shatters because the mirror isn't even stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

The real question is "What would a Klondike Bar do for Chuck Norris?"

Chuck Norris can ace a test by writing "Violence" for every answer, because violence is the answer.