Chuck Norris loves playing soccer - with the grim reaper.

It is said that, on average, men think about sex every seven seconds. That average is based solely on Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses his tongue can sniff out snakes. His tongue can also strangle a snake. He uses his beard to fillet the snake into bite size pieces and mixes it in with bananas to top off his bowl of

Chuck Norris once killed a man with a roundhouse kick to someone else's face.

Chuck Norris can piss in a urinal and leave the seat up.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

What's the definition of beautiful? Whatever Chuck Norris says it is.

Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Chuck Norris is a PhD in Pain. However, his advances in the field of Pleasure have earned him a Nobel Prize.

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".

Once when Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McDouble at McDonald's because it was 9:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard that it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris is the reason 'The Expendables 2' is rated PG-13.

The secret to the B-2 Stealth Bomber's technology is it contains Chuck Norris's beard. Only 21 were ever built as Chuck Norris has only shaved 21 times.

Spongebob is Chuck Norris' old lufa.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris went for a stroll in the jungle and was ambushed by a very hungry tiger. The attack was brutal, merciless and clinical. The tiger just doesn't have a ghost of chance at all. That is how Chuck

Chuck Norris is the reason why nuclear bombs were invented.

At his wedding, Kanye West spoke for an hour and forty-five minutes about how awesome Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris is like a vampire. The difference is that he drinks more blood in one day than Dracula has had in 300 years.

What do you call a woman who hasn't slept with Chuck Norris? A Lesbian.