The Pope calls Chuck Norris "Father."

Chuck Norris isn't in the army the army's in Chuck Norris

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris can kill you with a cotton ball.

Most people have Microwave ovens. Chuck Norris has a Megawave oven.

Nothing is more American than apple pie. This is not true. Nothing is more ANYTHING than Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is responsible for the dark matter of the universe. It is made up of the atoms of everything he's killed or destroyed.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn nose off.

Chuck Norris does sleep. He sleeps with his eyes wide open and a very big grin.

It was once known as "The Bad Humor" ice cream, ice cream truck and ice cream man. Then,Chuck Norris resigned.

Chuck Norris can take selfies of other people

Once, Chuck Norris held a judge in contempt, while in court.

Chuck Norris can climb a tree without using his hands

When the chainsaw massacre saw Chuck Norris's dick he cut off his.

every time Chuck Norris walks into a graveyard he simply smiles and says "good times".

Chuck Norris has an 8 millionth degree black belt.

The hills are alive with the sound of Chuck Norris' dong slapping against his legs while he walks.

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare; he only eats unicorns.

The Catholic Church has offered Chuck Norris the position of Pope at least four times...even though Chuck Norris isn't Catholic.

Chuck Norris drives to Hawaii.