A comet will erase the human race, the sciencists called the comet Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not need hair dye, he scares it back to it's original color

Chuck Norris was asked if he would date Rosie O'Donnell? Chuck said "I'd rather shove a lit match up my pee-hole".

Usain Bolt broke the 100m record by accident because he was trying to run away from Chuck Norris

The back of Chuck Norris' hands are always speckled with bone marrow.

When playing Blackjack, Chuck Norris wears a 50-gallon cowboy hat, huge bug-eye wraparound shades and a black velvet leisure suit covered in diamond studs. He keeps a loaded Uzi on the table while he plays.

Chuck Norris' mother wears bowling ball earrings.

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag , he potatoe sacks.

Female bodybuilders are originally catwalk models who are foolish enough to swallow Chuck Norris' Testosterone-and-protein-rich semen.

Chuck Norris doesn't bench press weight sets, he bench presses FREIGHT TRAINS!

Humans start counting from 1. Computers start counting from 0. Chuck Norris starts counting from negative infinity.

Chuck Norris is the only man ever to simultaneously score an Ippon in judo, put his opponent in checkmate and give a woman multiple orgasms with oral sex.

Chuck Norris' car keys have killed many a man.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly, gravity collapses around him.

Chuck Norris....enough said.

The insanely popular one-man show "Three Hours Of Chuck Norris Standing On Stage And Staring At You" has been to over 75 countries around the world, to a combined audience of over four million.

Chuck Norris is so fertile that every time he jerks off into a sock it squeezes out a pair of cowboy boots.

Most kids where superman pajamas. Superman, however, wears Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris watches the Watchmen...

Chuck Norris went on a hike up mount st helens on may 18 1980. then he had to take a dump...