Long ago, Jesus turned water into wine, but then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris went to the bottom of the bottomless pit, he was so pissed there was a bottom, he roundhouse kicked it and now it truly is bottomless

Chuck Norris knows how to get to Seasame Street.

Tiger Woods is the Chuck Norris of golf.

After each of his trademark orgies, Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He instead hangs upside-down from the ceiling and stares at his chosen ones until they put their clothes on and get the fuck out so the next

Chuck Norris would never swing from a chandoleer. He would devour it in one jump.

Chuck Norris uses a floor buffer to polish his massive testicles.

Osama Bin Laden's current location: gaffer-taped to the underside of Chuck Norris' Hummer. Norris will hand him in after he has returned from his road trip to Alaska.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.

Chuck Norris knows how to get to Seasame Street.

When Chuck Norris enjoys some spare time from kicking ass he sits in his tool shed whacking off.

Chuck Norris can make a gay man scared straight.

The class object inherits from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can eat 3 bean burritos then go to the lake and take a whirlpool bath.

Out of sheer boredom, Chuck Norris once stabbed an elephant to death, with a toothpick!

If Chuck Norris says that turkey, cranberries & yams actually taste real good, then they do!!! And out of fear, that's the only reason we we eat that crap. We are truely Thankful that Chuck Norris

Tommy is the only Ramone left because he followed Chuck Norris's advice and bought a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris didn't actually invent time travel. His future self taught him how.

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

Chuck norris does not cast a shadow, light knows it cannot hit him and politely goes around.