Chuck Norris can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Not even a fictional Chuck Norris elf would ever sing "Dawn we now our gay apparel, Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la".

Speed doesn't kill. Chuck Norris' foot does.

After drinking a case of Corona beer, Chuck Norris' urine smells like a steaming platter of chicken fajitas.

Chuck Norris won master chef Australia by cooking 2 minute noodles.

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

there is no such thing as mud-slides, Chuck Norris just had some indigestion from last nights bean burrito.

Chuck Norris's dog doesn't know who's a good boy.

Chuck Norris knows the end of pi.

Chuck Norris loves horses .... With ketchup and onions .

Chuck Norris cleans his earwax out with a Dremel tool.

when a cop pulls over Chuck Norris for drinking and driving the cop is just making shur that he doesnt spill his beer.

As a child, Chuck Norris asked for and received a car full of clowns for his birthday parties every year. Without fail, he would beat the shit out of each and every one.

God prays to Chuck Norris

Who are the gay dudes talking shit about Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris can murder you with his tonsils.

Chuck Norris beet the sun at a staring contest

When Chuck Norris became a Texas Ranger, the state was able to save millions by laying off the rest of their police force.

Chuck Norris didn't like this joke, so he deleted it by roundhouse kicking it.

Chuck Norris can slaughter Lebron at a game of one-on-one. Then he slaughters the spectators.