When a telemarketer phones Chuck Norris' number, the first thing they hear is the pleading voice of one their loved ones.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to play games against people to beat their high scores. He just plays with himself and beats every highscore on every game on every console in the whole entire universe.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you around the world.

Chuck Norris can make his penis 10 feet long... by folding it in half.

Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.

There are no facts about Chuck Norris - only understatements.

Chuck Norris can un-spike punch.

Chuck Norris wears green on St. Patricks day. Noone dares pinch him

Jehovah is the Hebrew word for Chuck Norris

Barack Obama recently stated that he considers it 'a great honour and privilege' to shine Chuck Norris' shoes every Wednesday.

Chuck Norris put the homo in homo sapiens. Needless to say, he's not human.

You can not stop Chuck Norris, nor can you hope to contain him.

MR T pity's the fool. Chuck Norris pities Mr T

Chuck Norris really doesn't need the Total Gym to stay in shape and score with women. That just happens naturally.

Chuck Norris is God's secret cousin

The killer is within... Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a six-pack on his chin.

Alcohol only makes Chuck Norris a stronger, louder, more efficient American killing machine.

Every time Chuck Norris kills somebody, Danny Trejo gets another pockmark.

The Chuck Norris-approved Chucknopoly is the world's only board game that is potentially fatal.