What came first the Chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris did.

God is just a fake name Chuck Norris uses.

Chuck Norris can crush walnuts between his ass-cheeks. He can also do this to beer kegs and human skulls.

Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.

Chuck norris tried to crank that soulja boy but it wouldn't crank up

Chuck Norris is a cunt!....hang on theres someone at the door

Whoever said "You can't win them all" obviously never met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them.

The sun is afraid to look chuck Norris directly in the eyes

Chuck Norris can watch DVDs in a VCR player.

A black hole is created every time Chuck Norris farts.

If you try to shoot Chuck Norris in a dream, you better wake up and apologize

Chuck Norris is better than Billy Madison's shampoo and conditioner.

Newtons third law of motion states that Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction When Chuck Norris uses his roundhouse kick there is only action.

Chuck Norris turned down a role in Brokeback Mountain (as Tex, ass-ranger) because of foul language and not enough sex scenes.

Chuck Norris actually died a million years ago. Death just doesn't have the balls to tell him.

Chuck Norris washes his clothes with fabric hardener.

Chuck Norris knows how many roundhouse kicks to your asshole that it takes to create your personal hemorrhoid bouquet.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

The only time Chuck Norris got scared is wen he looked at him self in the mirrior