Life is like a box of chocolates until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you.

The sunami in Japan was an accident. Chuck Norris just wanted to splash around in the tub.

Chuck Norris wears green on St. Patricks day. Noone dares pinch him

Chuck Norris once defeated the Statue of Liberty in a Stop Dance Contest.... at kindergarten!

Chuck Norris can burn water.

Chuck Norris went back in time and killed all his great-grandparents just to trip everybody out.

Chuck Norris's Round House Kick causes particle accelaration.

Chuck Norris has won the Super Bowl twice, a World Series, 7 PBA Bowling tournaments, 46 Olympic gold medals, 5 Stanley Cups, 3 World Series of Poker championships, 1,712 pie eating contests, 4,832 pillow

Everyone is born naked and crying, except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was born dressed as a little soldier, and came out marching.

all insect killing sprays are made out of Chuck Norris fart

When Chuck Norris finishes watching a useless 1 hour movie, he can get his 1 hour back.

Since 1972, the funeral home industry has given Chuck Norris 1% of their net profit as a gesture of thanks. That "thank you" amount hit $100 billion last year.

Chuck Norris thinks Marcelles Wallace looks like a bitch.

Chuck Norris will never kill any man that is wearing a red toupee unless it looks better than his.

Chuck Norris believes some people can only be taught a lesson via gunshot.

Fort Knox wanted to store gold in Chuck Norris' beard - but Chuck Norris' beard makes gold rust.

When Chuck Norris plays Five Nights at Freddy's, the animatronics don't scare him. The animatronics come to him

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Chuck Norris has venom glands instead of tear ducts.

When Chuck Norris eats brussel sprouts, his farts smell like cotton candy.