Why does Chuck Norris lower your blood pressure? Because he's a beater blocker

Chuck Norris can play the Ventures hit 'Pipeline' in its entirety on a slide trombone.

Chuck Norris keeps a pet squid in his toilet to wipe his ass with.

At some point during his annual week long African safari hunts, Chuck Norris always finds the time to enjoy atleast one night of elephant tipping.

Newtons third law of motion states that Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction When Chuck Norris uses his roundhouse kick there is only action.

Pauly D from Jersey Shore was at the Dance party where Chuck Norris invented the Electric Slide. His hair is now permanently stuck in a blowout position.

Chuck Norris has a sign in his front yard that reads, "Beware of Chuck Norris." This is not a joke. He actually has one.

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the

Chuck Norris rolled into a small Amish community in his Cadillac, and promptly introduced them to the pleasures of binge drinking, gambling, casual violence, sodomy, satanic death metal, porn and KFC.

Albert Einstein's hair used to be neatly combed...until the day he met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris named his price and saved 15% or more on car insurance when he switched to Allstate.

Chuck Norris once created a rugskin bear.

Chuck Norris' idea of fast food is chasing down a Cheetah and cooking to up on his BBQ.

Chuck Norris can lift himself three feet in the air while urinating.

Chuck Norris is the only person to whom God has said," I did not know that!"

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

The Marquis de Sade invented wrought iron testicle clamps. Chuck Norris univented them which is why you've never heard of them before. Chuck Norris prefers to destroy your balls with a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris stomped on King Kong. After that, King Kong became Alvin Seville.

When bored and just for shits and giggles, Chuck Norris likes to walk around skid row with hundred dollar bills hanging out of his pockets.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.