The guy that God prays to goes to Chuck Norris for forgiveness!

Pediatricians and researches are unsure what causes colic in infants. A leading theory on its cause is infants are ruminating over the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has impregnated 73 women. Over the internet. They all died before the end of their first trimester from internal bleeding caused by roundhouse kicks. All babies survived.

My grand-father has Chuck Norris' head mounted on his wall.

Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the movie "Zombieland". The zombies were terrified of him and Woody Harrelson had to replace him.

Silence and peach terrifies Chuck Norris.

The Pope calls Chuck Norris "Father."

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a gun he sleeps with his fist.

Chuck Norris has more subscribers than Pewdiepie.

Chuck Norris is made out of Chucktanium, and Chuck Norris is the only one that has it. Good luck killing him for that.

Chuck Norris once held his shit for three days. His defacation is now known as the Rocky Mountains.

Side effects to Chuck Norris sex: vagina set on fire; putting out fire with own orgasm; euphoric sobbing; broken bones; end of the Mayan Long Count Calendar; cops show up complaining about the screaming;

The Apple logo used to be a whole apple until Chuck Norris got hungry.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

People cut their own hair, chuck Norris pulls his own teeth

On April 17, 1953, Mickey Mantle hit a home run that traveled about 565 feet. Chuck Norris matched that feat the next day. Chuck was 13 years old at the time.

Max Headroom is the result of Chuck Norris kicking Duke Nukem's ass.

Due to the high volume of complaints from victums having a boot removed from their ass, Preparation-H has been Chuck Norris approved.

Chuck Norris' penis can suck itself.