Chuck Norris was once in Russia, people now remember it as "In Soviet Russia"

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth the New York Public library, packed floor-to-ceiling with 10,000-page micro-print encyclopedias.

The Earth does not revolve around the sun...this is because the sun revolves around Chuck Norris, who lives on Earth

If you're a horse, here's a little advice: Never look a gift CHUCK NORRIS in the mouth!

Someone once asked Chuck Norris how many push ups he can do. He simply replied "All of them.".

horses have long faces because they keep challenging Chuck Norris to "whos got the biggest dick" contests

Santa Claus believes in Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tongue is actually a proboscis.

Chuck Norris likes to keep his lawn growing tall and thick so that whenever he has unwanted visitors, he can slip out of his house unnoticed and stalk them like prey. He then jumps toward them like a

Adobe Flash runs on Chuck Norris' iPhone.

Chuck norris for president

Chuck Norris is a supporter of gender equality in the workplace. That's why he makes his female employees work longer hours so they can earn the same as the men.

Louisville Slugger makes professional baseball bats from kiln dried Chuck Norris turds.

Chuck norris once killed a postman.He then waved his finger side to side and said "hey buddy only i deliver round houses, got it!"

Chuck Norris can track a bloodhound.

Chuck Norris once took a test called the S.T.A.N.D. he got pissed before he got to the tenth question and roundhoused it.... it is now known as the S.A.T.

The police routinely question Chuck Norris just because they find him interesting.

Chuck Norris can burn water and put out fire with gasoline.

Chuck Norris can drive manual, in an automatic.

The Grim Reaper's idol is Chuck Norris.