The recent financial debacle was not due subprime mortgage lending and the housing bubble bursting. The real reason was Chuck Norris stopped lending to banks.

Chuck Norris' mother once caught him masticating a horse in his bedroom.

The only reason the battle of San Jacinto lasted 18 minutes because chuck Norris was 17 minutes late

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

Chuck Norris can climb a tree without using his hands

In the beginning there was nothing, then Chuck Norris kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job!!"... And that's the story of the universe.

Sheena became a Punk Rocker ever since Chuck Norris broke her heart.

Chuck Norris survived the atomic bombs, he still stayed as a smooth-skin.

Chuck Norris can win a marathon hopping backward on one foot and pulling a brigade of tanks.

When Chuck Norris was 8, he and his friend, Freddy both got pets. Freddy got a hamster and Chuck got a Tasmanian Devil.

Dairy Queen announced it's newest DQ treat, the Chuck Norris Combo Blizzard consisting of DQ ice cream, metal shavings, gun powder, Tobasco & topped with crushed glass.

Scientists claim to have created a fourth state of matter. Chuck Norris has already created ten others.

On an upcoming episode of Pawn Stars, Chuck Norris demands $100,000 for a Bic pen with no ink left. He gets $250,000. And he gets to bang the brunette who posed naked for Suicide Girls.

When Chuck Norris plays Halo 3, he uses only a pistol. He has never lost. EVER.

McDonald's got the idea of putting "Billions Served" on their signs after their founder visited Chuck Norris' house and saw his "Billions of Heads Severed" plaque on the wall.

The sun moves across the sky because its running from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's jeans are so tight to prevent excess oxygen from reaching his legs and causing involuntary Roundhouse Kicks.

Chuck Norris has a chainsaw bayonet attached to the end of his gatling gun. That's how he likes it.

Chuck Norris once knocked himself out with his own line drive when he slid into second.

Chuck Norris can fuck you upside-down.