Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

The Vatican's latest fundraiser is selling WWCND (What Would Chuck Norris Do) braclets.

Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is the only man alive that can fly a helicopter up-side-down. He uses it to trim his shrubs.

Chuck Norris does not value money. He instead pays for goods and services with the teeth of his enemies.

Chuck Norris actually ghost wrote all of Ernest Hemingway's novels and taught him the virtues of Key West fishing, rum drinking at Sloppy Joe's & whores.

Chuck Norris can play Xbox Kinect games on his PlayStation4 and PlayStation Move games on his Xbox 720.

Chuck Norris once grabbed Vin Diesel and inserted his index finger into Vin Diesel's anus. Vin Diesel got very pissed over the matter. Chuck Norris then started kicking him continously non-stop for a day

For 'American Sniper', Bradley Cooper got acting and beard-wearing tips from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris voted once, and automatically had a degree from the Electoral College.

A good golfer can often make a 'birdie'. Better golfers frequently get an 'eagle'. Chuck Norris always gets a 'vulture'.

When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, the sun blinks.

Chuck Norris uses a tanned and cured ox scrotum as a hackey-sack.

Chuck Norris bowls overhand.

When Chuck Norris was a year old, other kids his age were eating strained peas for dinner. Chuck would have a steak, medium rare. And a baked potato.

when you split an atom, inside it says OWNED BY CHUCK NORRIS

If u spell CHUCK NORRIS without capitalizing his letters he'll wil roundhouse kick you 230,000,000 times less then a half a second and the only this u will see is your body in a coffin. It is a good thing

Chuck Norris was recently asked what he thought of Nancy Pelosi? Chuck said he thinks Nancy Pelosi is uglier than a bucket of buttholes. There were no further questions.

If you line jump for a new iPad infront of Chuck Norris at the midnight openning at Best Buy, you will instantly learn the true meaning of Black Friday...if you ever come out of your coma.

Chuck Norris got tired of hearing about the internet phenomenon about him. So he recently invented the Chuckroll.