Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris once scored 181 in darts

Chuck Norris once had a running race with a tortoise. In the middle of the race, Chuck Norris decided to take a nap. The tortoise managed to cover the distance and win the race while Chuck Norris was sleeping.

If Chuck Norris played baseball, the Texas Rangers would have won the World Series in 2011. And 2010. And every Series dating back to 1972, their first year in Texas.

Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass. And in legal terms so is a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to 'said same'.

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris. He them proceeded to roundhouse kick each and every one of them.

Chuck Norris is the reason you can't see vampires in mirrors.

Giraffes are born or created when Chuck Norris uppercuts a Horse!

all gods pray to Chuck Norris

In soviet Russia Chuck Norris still kicks your ass!

Chuck Norris can make Robin Williams and Lewis Black calm the fuck down.

Chuck Norris likes to take long baths with the guys. No homo.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He smokes smoke grenades.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

To fulfill his daily requirement of dietary fiber, Chuck Norris starts his mornings off with a big bowl of rusty fish hooks.

When Chuck Norris is asked the question "Ginger or Mary Ann?", he chuckles and replies, "Had 'em both!"

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris does actually sleep - with his eyes wide open, rarely blinking.

Chuck Norris knows exactly how many licks it takes to reach the center of a tootsipop.

Chuck Norris can say "I'm fallen in love with you" to a woman without mosbying her.