Chuck Norris' shadow follows him from a safe distance.

When life throws lemons at chuck Norris, he catches them and throws them back at life.

Why are there so many "Rocky" films? Because Rocky was smart enough NOT to fight Chuck Norris in any of them.

Chuck Norris once farted and lit it on fire as a joke. We now call it the sun.

When Chuck Norris says 'pull my finger', consider that a polite warning that you very soon will be atomized.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Chuck Norris doesn't use tent pegs. He puts claw hammers through the loops before pushing them into the ground using only his eyes.

Chuck Norris' auto biography is the best selling book of all time, it's called the bible

Chuck Norris attacks people from the age of 1-120 and people from A-z

Chuck Norris built the hospital where he was born.

In 1969, man landed on the Moon. By 1969, Chuck Norris had already landed on eight planets, skipping Pluto "because it's too damn small."

When Chuck Norris was 3 he got a tricycle. When he was 4 he was bored with it and installed Harley V-Twin engine.

Chuck Norris gets a happy ending when strangling mountain lions.

BAD IDEA-Following Chuck Norris on Twiter WORSE IDEA-Following Chuck Norris in person NO ONE follows Chuck Norris and lives

All of Chuck Norris' fingers are trigger fingers.

Chuck Norris can rob a drunk guy's gun store.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can literally become a human cannonball.

Chuck Norris put mark zuckerberg in ICU....he poked him on facebook

Chuck Norris once stabbed a man with a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris was aboard the Costa Concordia. When it sank, Chuck Norris inflated his beard and swam away with 427 grateful passengers.