Chuck Norris once held one nostril shut while blowing an incredible snot volley from the other nostril. This action caused an epiphany among toy manufacturers that directly lead to the invention of the

Chuck Norris once slipped River Phoenix a mickey.

Ah hem. Im sorry by If Chuck Norris is a zombie, your screwed, i mean, WE'RE ALL SCREWED DAMMIT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

The only thing that can harm Superman is "Green Kryptonite" which quite interestingly is the scientific name given to Chuck Norris' boogers.

Chuck Norris once went into a church to ask God why Adam was created first instead of chuck. God's answer apparently was not to Chuck's liking, since no one has seen or heard from God sense...

Chuck Norris recently attended a Black Panther and KKK rally at the South Carolina state house. Authorities found no survivors.

Scientists created Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and Hulk Hogan by using urine samples from a toilet Chuck Norris once pissed in.

Chuck Norris has a pentagram tattooed around his cornhole.

Chuck Norris never went to karate class, he was born kicking butt.

Bob's not your uncle - Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris once pissed on an electric fence. This took down the power grid in Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona and parts of southern Utah.

If you stare at the American flag for long enough, you will se a 3-D image of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' density: 89,000,000 Kelvin (otherwise known as 1 Norris)

Darth Vader's lightsaber is a replica of Chuck Norris' shlong.

Muhammad Ali developed Parkinsons disease after he received a roundhouse from Chuck Norris

When speaking in public about his multitude of lifetime accomplishments, Chuck Norris always appropriately refers to himself in the fourth-person.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat ice cream. He eats U scream.

When Chuck Norris watches Dora the Explora, Dora doesn't ask any questions.

Once upon a time Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris once found the mammary glands on his pet alligator. He milks her every morning and uses it to foam his morning lattes.