Chuck Norris can catch fire on fire.

Doctor's slap babies because their NOT Chuck Norris

Colnel Sander's 11 secret herbs and spices are actually Chuck Norris' sweat, pubes, toejam, backwash, clingons, sleep, fingernail clippings, urine, bile, heel callous and semen.

Chuck Norris once bitch slapped a Sasquatch. The Sasquatch reacted immediately by saying "I apologize, Mr Norris".

Chuck Norris abducts aliens

Chuck Norris can choke you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris never made a Porno Movie because His Penis is registered as a deadly weapon.

In 1983, the Department of Transportation required that Chuck Norris wear a Catalytic convertor over his ass to prevent ozone depletion. It was later determined by the Environmental Protection Agency that

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick your face with his pinky finger.

any thing you can do he can do better, Chuck Norris can do anything better than you

Chuck Norris is thankful for everything he's got. And that is everything on this planet, including the planet

Chuck Norris is accepted into any gang. Blood or Crip

It is rumored that when Chuck Norris jerks off, it makes other people go blind.

Chuck Norris can walk through a hurricane and not have his cigar lose its flame.

abe lincoln may have freed the slaves but Chuck Norris is everyones master

Chuck Norris dosen't obey WeeGee.WeeGee obeys Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris uses 400% of his brain capacity. The rest is just for his mental porn stash.

Steve Jobs died because Chuck Norris was pissed that the iPhone 4S wasn't the iPhone 5

Chuck Norris once went into a church to ask God why Adam was created first instead of chuck. God's answer apparently was not to Chuck's liking, since no one has seen or heard from God sense...

Chuck Norris doesn't give a fuck if the glass is half empty or half full. He's still gonna round house kick you in the face.