Chuck Norris vomits live doves

Chuck Norris destroyed my mommy.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open and lick his elbow. At the same time

Chuck Norris Broke a Hilux...

Dinosaurs went extinct because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.

If Chuck Norris EVER wants to see you talk, he will ram his arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.

Everybody hurts, sometimes... everyone except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never made a Porno Movie because His Penis is registered as a deadly weapon.

Chuck Norris' face is on the One Billion Dollar Bill, which only he owns.

Chuck Norris where's a black belt around the beard that he grows on his dick

When refueling his Hummer at the gas station Chuck Norris likes to smoke big fat cigars and stare at the attendant.

Chuck Norris' appendix has burst at least 15 times, but Chuck don't give a fuck.

Chuck Norris knows exactly how many roundhouse kicks to your ass that it takes to make a poignant hemorrhoidal bouquet for you...one!

Chuck Norris killed Zeus in a poker game with a roundhouse kick to the face because Zeus was a sore loser and didn't want to give up his lightning.

Chuck Norris has never shot a round of golf with a score above -73. It would have been -76 but the Eagle he shot on the Par 5, 17th hole was still in flight when he hit it.

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into an iceberg

Chuck Norris has a sign in his front yard that reads, "Beware of Chuck Norris." This is not a joke. He actually has one.

The following is the complete list of things Chuck Norris cannot do:

Chuck Norris knows all the words in the dictionary, except the word "Mercy".

Chuck Norris' dinner guests often throw up in their mouths, to savor his fine cooking all over again.