#Ulog 02 Another Date experience... This Post Contains pidgin English
"Hello, Babe no vex I couldn't meet up with the rendezvous today, something came up"._ I said
"You didn't even call early to inform me and I wasted my precious time waiting for you. See you will refund me the money I wasted on transportation, to and fro"_ She replied
"That one is not a problem na, when we see we will settle that one. Okay, to make it up to you, be the one to pick the rendezvous for tomorrow so it can be somewhere in your comfort zone. Alright? see you, take care"
Immediately I hung the call, it dawned on me that I've just given this girl the power to pick a very expensive joint where she will convert my wallet from Eniola Badmus to Agbani Darego... and I was just thinking about location.
Chai sparrow you don fuck up!!! Well let's see how it goes tomorrow.
She lives in Independent Layout(Enugu) so she picked Roots. A Chinese eatery opposite Spar shopping Mall. Omo the place is not really expensive, just that somethings are not meant for everybody. Only the coolness of the AC alone will tell your body that this eatery is not for anyhow person.
As tomorrow reach, I dey inside bus dey go, still dey vex for myself say I use my mouth put myself into trouble.
"Driver I dey drop for Ogui Jucntion oo"
You know how drivers behave in Nigeria, They like putting extra. you'll tell them where you are dropping and they will still pass your bus stop.
"Driver I no dey like this kind rubbish, I tell you say I wan drop for Ogui Junction" I shouted
"All this place no follow for ogui junction? Abeg come down if you no dey come down make I carry you go down to old park" The driver said.
"Nna nekwa this guy o ! Na me you dey chance? See eh, I no dey come down again. Move this bus now make I know the spirits wey give you ozo title"
Driver sef na strong head, but em morale no reach to move motor. So he turned off the ignition. You know... that body language of "oya make we dey here na"
As I was raking the bus was vibrating like nokia 3310. So all the passengers got concerned and started pleading with me to come down, and pardon the driver. I was touched by the holy spirit and I alighted like a boss.
I crossed the expressway like I use to cross roads when I was in primary school. Dem no dey do big boy for abakaliki express road.
There is this very big gutter under contrusion. With a narrow plank across it. The plank is so narrow that two people coming from opposite directions cannot pass each other. If people are crossing from one end, the people on the other side would have to exercise patience.
People from my side were on the plank crossing the gutter, with more people queueing in behind us.
One heavily pregnant woman like that (who couldn't catch up when the people from her side were crossing) somehow didn't think its wise to wait for all of us to finish crossing. So she stepped on the plank from the opposite direction.
"Bia madam go back now, make we pass finish !"
She no talk
"Madam you no see say two people no fit pass here?"
She no talk
"Na because say you dey pregnant na em make you dey do anyhow!?"
She no talk, she just hold her waist like say she wan enter labour.
"Which kind wintch be this? She think say na Jesus christ em carry !"
"Even mary wey born Jesus never block road like this"
"No be we give you belle o, so no dey transfer aggression give us"
I wanted to join them in abusing the woman, but I remembered I just held and delayed a bus filled with passengers few minutes ago, so I kept quiet.
After much more all of us surrendered and went back for this pregnant woman to pass, amidst serious abuses like "carry the devil inside you dey go".
If any man around that vicinity had claimed responsibility for that pregnancy eh, we would have beaten him to stupor for putting us through all this suffering with his dick.
After all the stress, I arrived the rendezvous that the babe chose, and the place looks fantastic as usual.
As i was walking closer to the door, The security man greeted me and opened the door.
Then i began to have a brief conversation with myself.
Sparrow: All these uniformed boys wey dey throway salute give me, hope say no be my perfume dey confuse them. I no hold money o.
Bernard: Hahaha, No mind them. I just dey wait to here "oga anything for the boy" and i go give am better slap.
Sparrow: Yea but its kinda boring. of all the stations na Emmanuel tv dem put.
Bernard: Are you here to watch tv
Sparrow: Guy see the babe o, she is already here.
Bernard: wow, that's impressive. Its unlike Nigerian girls
Sparrow: What is she eating ? Looks like pop...
Bernard: ...Popcorn ? Its popcorn o.
Sparrow: Umunwanyi, if she sees me now, she will order shawarma. Be like say na popcrn we go chop today.
Bernard: Bia nwokem, respect yourself o. You know say she still dey vex for you
Sparrow: No worry na meat pie I go buy.
"Ah babe you are here, sorry I kept you waiting something happened on the way when..." As i was saying...
"...Abeg spare me the details, your mouth too sweet" She interrupted...
At the counter:
"Good evening sir, what do you want?"
"We want two meat pies and..." I said
"...Actually I want rice and chicken" she jumped in
Chai ! I die here today
Then she gave me that look of "Go and Sin No More".
Finally we decided to go for Rice and Chicken.