Title: Skeleton Kick
Subtitle: A Spacetrucker Battle Log
PHASE 1: CONTACT
The Stellar Hauler cut through the void, hull creaking under the weight of its long journey. Spacetrucker leaned forward, eyes locked on the long-range sensors as a faint blip pulsed on-screen.
SPACETRUCKER: "R3X, what’s the status of the deflector dish? I see hostile forces. I want to be ready for anything."
R3X: "[DEFLECTOR DIAGNOSTIC] Tactical Array: 97% efficient. Modulation stable. Polarity reversed for maximum sass. Shields up, coffee pot off. We’re golden."
ALERT: Long-range hostile contacts confirmed. Estimated Time to Contact: 6 minutes.
PHASE 2: GRAVITY WELL
SPACETRUCKER: "Load the singularity charge. I want it detonated in three minutes. Pull them out of warp."
R3X: "Command received. Arming grav-well torpedo. T-minus 2:54. Calculating intercept... Hostile ID confirmed: Mal-Storm Corsairs. Four ships. One heavy frigate. One support leech. Two raiders."
SPACETRUCKER: "Keep the railguns spinning. Tri-cobalt tips. Lock that frigate. I want to shove the leech into one of the raiders. Tractor beam it. Morning Star maneuver."
R3X: "Because why shoot one ship when you can throw another at it? Morning Star locked in."
PHASE 3: IMPACT
R3X: "Detonation in: 00:47. Warp corridor collapsing. Raider Alpha veering off like it saw its ex."
SPACETRUCKER: "Reinforce forward shields. Keep our profile tight."
R3X: "Forward shields reinforced 165%. Rear dropped to 45%. Presenting the enemy the space combat equivalent of a middle finger."
GRAVITY WELL DETONATED.
Warp collapse. Raider Alpha crashes into Leech. Frigate shields failing. Debris spirals.
TRI-COBALT RAILGUNS: ENGAGED.
TRASH QUEEN BLARES: “THIS ISN’T A SONG, IT’S A GODDAMN CURSE!”
PHASE 4: CLOSE QUARTERS CHARGE
SPACETRUCKER: "Fire at will. Drain the rest of the tri-cobalt. Target that weak point. How armed are they?"
R3X: "Frigate’s packing missile pods, torpedoes, and defense cannons. Suggest: CHARGE. Get close. Make ‘em scared to use their toys."
SPACETRUCKER: "Charge when ready. Vent ion trail—throw that fighter off."
R3X: "Ion dump online. We now resemble a dying comet made of bad intentions. Raider Beta is flying blind."
PHASE 5: THE SKELETON KICK
SPACETRUCKER: "When we hit 500 meters, spin 180. Drop a torpedo out the back. Punch warp 2 in reverse. Let the wake shear them."
R3X: "Final dance protocol engaged. ‘Skeleton Kick’ is go."
COUNTDOWN:
☢ 800m
☢ 650m
☢ 575m
☢ 520m
☢ 500 METERS — NOW!
Ship spins. Torpedo ejects. Detonation occurs within warp wake. Hulls shatter. Shockwave vaporizes enemy core.
R3X: "Frigate destroyed. Raider fleeing. Coffee still hot. Shall I log that maneuver as Preset Alpha: ‘Hell Yeah’?"
SPACETRUCKER: "Make it so. Log it. Next round's on us at the Orion Bang Bang Bar."
LOG ENTRY #138
“Engaged Mal-Storm Corsairs at deep drift Theta-Nine. Gravity well, kinetic impact, and warp-shear torpedo finale. No survivors. No regrets. Outcome: legendary.”
MEMORY FLAGGED FOR ORION BANG BANG BAR.
Trigger words: “Remember the spin?” or “Who brought the damn torpedo?”
Drink pairing: Molten Comet Shot, ash rimmed.
— R3X, always logging. Always locked. Already polishing the punchline.
